On Hiatus (Attachment)

Hey you guys, will be on hiatus for a bit because of the Seria Attachment thing. Working is so blah. hahah, anyways, weekend is the only time I get some free time, so to those 'jobless' people; here's the address for agent in charge of the fireflies thing. Do something productive and organise the trip! Bwahaha. See you round!

MONA FLOROFAUNA TOURS ENTERPRISE:

No:209, 1st floor,

Kiaw Lian Building

Jalan Pemancha

Bandar Seri Begawan BF8811

tEL: 223 0761

Mob: 884 9110

Owh, p.s, went to the Festival of Lights in JP last night with my sis, cousin and Judin. $9 down the drain, but I thought it was worth it. It was raining but still managed to act liked crazed sakai tourists. hahah. Will post more pics when I get the time. But for the time being, +d440+ out!

The thinker

Do you ever get the feeling that there's something more to all this? I say I believe in Allah and I try to be a good muslim as thought by my parents. Funnily, I ask myself, why do I still do the stuff I do knowing that I'm just fucking wasting my time, when I could be doing something more meaningful. I have the disadvantage of not going to Ugama school when I was little, I don't know how to read or write in Arabic. I still go on, trying to do the stuff I'm supposed to do even though I don't understand a majority of it. Why do people who know more than I do, know and understand the consequences more than I do, act worst than I do? Why do people preach but never do as they have taught? I am not perfect, I admit that, and everyone has their own fair share of faults, but I find it annoying that a majority out there abuse their previleges, and make others who dont have that previlege feel insignificant. I don't know, maybe I'm being sensitive, but man, the MIB culture here is full of shit.

I don't understand people, I dont even understand myself half of the freakin time. Why am I suddenly talking about religion and ragging on my culture? Am I typing this out as a message to myself or as a prat seeking out attention? I think I'm starting to lose it a little. Drowning in a society of hypocrisy, I don't even understand what I'm doing and why for. Am I stuck on a leash, or did I just bound my own self and not even bother looking for the key? Does this even matter if I type this out? Am I going to come to my senses, fuck, is anyone going to come to their right freakin mind? What is the right freakin mind anyway? Who are you to judge what is right and wrong? Who are you to say who is smart and who is dumb? Why do you go out today and dress that way and act that way? Is it really important what people think? Who are you truly? Sooner or later, you're going to joke about this with your friends and yet still ache inside thinking about it. The answers, you have. The will, you need to find. Philosphical shit just to make you feel better about yourself, don't come crying when things start to fall apart over and over again. +d440+ out

Golden Compass

heheh, bored as hell, here my daemon, my other half in the golden compass world.

What am I doing here?

View from Scientia Bld where I had my MATS&CHEM exam.

I don't know what to make of yesterday. I can still feel the burn in my insides, I want to sleep it off but I slept for 12 fuckin hours last night. Woke up just in time for Friday prayers just now. In the eve of my MATS xam, I slept for 2 hours, which I guess didnt help at all. I did manage to get a few extra hours of reading, but in the end, I think I still fucked up the god forsaken exam. Amazingly, I managed to do the Chem part, and what stressed my out, was the fact that the Materials section was so fuckin hard. I left our reading a few topics and whaddya noe, those topics came out and the one I concentrated on didnt.

What is education anyway, FUCKING MEMORIZING A TEXTBOOK? I hate it here, I feel so stupid cause hey what do you know, I HAVE PROBLEMS MEMORIZING STUFF. It also, do the same fucking questions over and over again until it gets all systematic and you repeat it for the xams. And at the end of the day, we're gonna forget this stuff. Look at me blaming the education system. Sigh, I know at the end of the day, it all comes from the effort I put in and yeah, maybe I could have put a lot more effort. But how can you put effort into something you don't enjoy? The pressure with all these expectations and my SHELL scholarship and future job lingering in the balance is really stressin me out. Life is fucked up.

Me resting next to Izah on the way to Bondi Junction.

Well, I left the exam hall an hour early. Just needed to get out of there, cause theres nothing more I could salvage from that paper. Stressin out so much I called home, first time in 3 weeks. It was really good to hear my mom's voice again. All and all, dissappointing her is what I dread the most. So I told her everything, which I rarely do. I really miss having someone to let it all out to. After our talk, I took her advice I went out with my friends.

Asqa, Yamin, Zimah & Nisah

Hafiz control

Bondi Junction, havent been there in awhile. Went with Hafiz, Yamin, Asqa, Nisah, Izah and Zimah. Met up with Long and Leena there. Did manage to have some fun. What do Bruneians do best? WINDOW SHOPPING! And what better place to go window shopping than Bondi Junction. Mall is just a corner shop compared to this place. So many things on my wish list. A wii, camcorder, and new speaker system. But when I really thought about it, I dont really think I deserve it, I mean, I'm just wasting away Shell and my parents money without having anything to show. I have a perfectly good DS anyway. Will probably buy the wii for my sister.

Long(center) big $pender got new clothes. Asqa (right) bought a new harddisk. Yamin(left) got nothing, heheh.

After walking around and looking at all the cool new gadgets, clothes and other stuff went to eat at the foodcourt, Long went back early cause of expensive parking. A word of advise, eating out when you're hungry, is never a good idea. Spent $13.50 on my meal. kenyang plang and it was seafood which I haven't had in awhile. The others had indian food.

Well after eating, went to do more window shopping. I went to the BORDERS book store. Books are expensive btw. Soon it was getting late, and went back to meet my friends. Wow, its so easy to get lost. Made everyone miss the bus (sorry guys) had to wait up for the next one. By the end of the day my mood just died on me. Was thinking too much again. Like, what am I doing here, really? I feel a little better now though after typing this up. I just need to talk more I guess, hahah, well my last exam, GEOs, is on Wednesday, gonna learn from my mistakes and revise and study MORE than is capable of a human being, just to make sure. Wish me luck you guys, can't wait to be home in Brunei.

Christmas decorations are up ready, can't wait for the holidays.

SEASONS PASS

Time goes by so fast, you really couldn't tell it was nearing the end of the year already. In fact, my semester has ended and yeah...

No more waking up early to go to very "interesting" lectures like this person up here. heheh. Would be celebrating the great year that has passed. Season changed and before you knew it, it was already.


Spring, and then it was...

Hari Raya (picture changed due to explicit content :P ) and then, before you knew it,

It was already halloween!

Things are moving so fast, its gonna be christmas soon. Hhaha, but the fact is, when time goes by quickly, you forget the important things like, owh, EXAMS!

So the time came to hide off inside your apartment, and start reading the stuff that you were supposed to read and revise weeks ago. You ignore the whole world, and go insane and try to jam everything into your head. You find new friends, like REDBULL.

Seasons passed, and went through half of my papers already. Tomorrow is Material and Chem Exam. The dreaded maths and computing has been done. Gawd, I'm so hungry, but I've spent too much cash on Redbull already, hahaha, fucking addictive AND EXPENSIVE. +d440+ out!

EXAMS

aarExam?

EXAM???

EXAM???

EXAAAAAAAAAAAMM!!!???

ARGHHHH

ARrrrrrgh


ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!

*dies*

I'm out of my mind

Hey you guys, did you know I gave up;

an ipod touch, and;

a psp slim, to get a

new Sony DCR SR42 HDD 30gb digital handicam?

Well yeah, I had a choice, and the priciest being the Sony. My parents wanted to get me either an ipod touch or a psp slim for my birthday. I agreed to that, but unfortunately I discovered EBAY and lo and behold, I found that beautiful piece of technology for sale at a good price lower than its usual market price. 700 was the total price, ORIGINAL retail price is...1000+. So I went for the SONY HANDYCAM, I paid for half and my mom paid for half. All was settled, and I awaited the arrival of this handycam. The next day I checked my mailbox.

Nothing...so I checked again the next day...

Nothing...so I checked again the following day...

Still nothing... this went on for a week. Today I woke up early to call the shop in the USA using my houseline and god only knows how much the international call rate is. I waited on hold for nearly half a fucking hour and when they finally answered, "owh... your order was cancelled, cause your credit card didnt approve your address, you should find a different method of paying"

~siigh.... I cancelled the order cause communicating with those idiots is a pain. Fuck, like couldnt they have told me something went wrong instead of making me wait like a freakin idiot. They refunded me the money yes, but what about that international calls I made. Fuck, everything has been so crazy lately. Stress out with exams, stressed out of boredom, I feel like my heads gonna explode. Yeah, my phone got busted and it cant play music properly, yeah my camera got busted and the controls all wonky, yeah my rooms a mess and I get these fucking headaches. Things hasnt been right for me lately... can't wait for exams to be over, can't wait to be home with my friends. +d440+ out.

HEROES SE2 - 07

Peter and Caitlin in New York 2008

Like WTF? Heroes, since the first episode, got me hooked. My cousin Syuaib just wouldn't stop talking about it. I thought it was just another hey watch it cause everyone is watching it so I didnt bother at first. But hoho, he convinced me to watch it and whaddya know, its AWESOME. Hahah, I'm a sorta comic bookish person and this series is yeah, supposed to be one huge comic book. Well now it's already in it's second season and I just finished watching episode 7 (which took one whole day to download, fucked up internet speeds) and this is one of the best episodes. Since the start of season, I've got to say that the writing wasn't up to par with the last season. They were like mashing things together and just for the sake of it. And now this writer's strike thing, I was starting to lose hope that heroes will reach potential greatness again.

But hoho, came episode 7 and this was a EXCELLENT EPISODE, remeniscent of the first few episodes of SEASON 1. The jaw dropping was there, but that's common in every episode, but the story is actually building up to something now instead of introducing us to random characters of the past few episodes. I guess the first few episodes was juat a slow introduction and finally we're getting some action and good pure heroes drama. I won't spoil to those who haven't watched it yet except to say that it's excellent episode and it's so good it gave me chills. Well, the chills may be because it's pretty cold this morning, but yeah whatever. Hahah, d440 out!

Can't keep Away (Space filler)

Yeah, can't keep away, stupid me. ~huuu, I need to keep moving around and changing stuff up, cause if I slow down and stop, things will become clear and I'll just go insane with stress. Exam stress? Yeah, that's probably it. Or maybe this closed time and space just magnifies my problems and idiocys (is that even a word?). I've been running alot lately, every chance I get. Avoiding everything... just sitting there by the pond surrounded by nature. Things become clear for me then, but when I sit and study in my room, my head just crams up and nothing wants to get in. I move around to the library and cafes, and I do get some studying done, only problem is that the library is way up on upper campus and cafes in Sydney close at 6 (yeah WTF!?). Also don't have money to sit around in cafes, spent AUD$10+ today just for lunch and a couple cups of coffees (~ARGGGH!)

Funnily, while i was jogging just now, I felt like saying something particular for this post. But, now that I'm sitting here, I'm too lazy and I got a headache as it is so I don't think I'm gonna say it now. If only I could say what I want to say without actually saying anything, get the message out, something like that. For now, I'm gonna say the usual stuff I say. FUCK I should be studying, FUCK some people really fucking annoy me, FUCK I'm such an insecure prick, FUCK I miss you guys. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck... heheh

+d440+ out

dUM dum dum

dum dum dum...
...it's last day of session 2

dum dum dum...
...one week break and then...

dum dum dum...
...FINAL EXAMS ARGHHHH and...

dum dum dum...
...not studying? BOY I'M FUCKING DUMB!

***** *********
d440 has temporarily killed his obsessed internet self, and will not be resurrected, UNLESS HE IS STUPID ENOUGH TO RESURRECT HIMSELF BEFORE THE END OF XAMS, well...it means, I'm trying to lesson my impulses on internet addiction. CURSE YOU EBAY AND FAST INTERNET SPEEDS. Wish me luck for xams, wish me luck for not going crazy, and good luck to everyone else. ********* *****

Owh... as a last post before i go on hiatus, AMAR THE TEEN TITAN FREAK TAGGED ME (visit him at http://ammr606.blogspot.com/ ) with '7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF THING!'

1. The 1st Random Fact Thing About me: I pee standing up *GASSSPS*
2. 2ND RANDOM FACT: Nature fascinates me, I love getting lost in huge parks.
3. 3rd RANDOM FACT: My scars heal slow (both physical and emotional) heheh
4. 4th RANDOM FACT: I am overly capable of love, but incapable of expressing it no matter how hard i try
5. 5th RANDOM FACT: I make pastas not malay food
6. 6th RANDOM FACT: I'VE lost 15kg and still losing
7. 7th RANDOM FACT: I bought something really expensive on EBAY and I really not sure if it was worth it. FUCK U EBAY.

Those were the fact things, AND NOW I WILL CURSE 7 MORE PEOPLE to suffer this curse suffering...ness...thing:

1. SALWA (IF YOU SAY YOU'RE STUDYING, YOU WOULDNT BE READING THIS)
2. DIN (WHERE ARE U MAN?)
3. PU3 (SKJAP ADA, SKJAP NADA, APA NIIIII?)
4. ARYF (IF HE'S STILL ALIVE)
5. FATIN (IF SHE BOTHERS TO READ THIS BLOG)
6. WHOEVER READS THIS AND HAS A BLOG
7. ....I need more friends... :P

New Theme

Huhuhu, I'm awesome!

So much more...

A short weekend post for you guys. Managed to survive this week of non stop tests and assignments, only got my last assignment to do which is a MATERIALS group project. Then its one last week of school followed by study break and exams. Not to mention the additional packing and searching for a new place. Yeah, I'm moving out of my apartment after living there for...7-8 months? Yeah, its been swell, but me and my housemate opted to moving for a place much closer (and of course cheaper) to our UNI before the year ends. It's really expensive to keep this apartment over the holidays and much more cheaper to move out before the peak season next year. Love our place now, but it really is for the best. Will post up pixs of the apartment one last time before the move, hopefully. Anyways, thats all for now, love you guys and catch you later. Cheers

LION KING ~RAAAAWR

Those who know me well, knows I'm a disney and cartoon freak. Anyways, finally found this vid, the lion king broadway show at the Tony Awards 1998. It's so beautiful, that people, is called art and creativity. Totally different from the original academy award winning disney cartoon. It been playing for over 10 years, first just at Broadway Times Square, then around the world. Sadly, I missed the Australia show which last performance was last year. But, on another note, its still playin in London, so I still got a chance to see it. Hahah, finally a 'REAL REASON' to go to London next year, hopefully it'll still be playin then. huhuhu :P

Insignificant

The first time, I tried to do it, I couldn't, I gave up...

The second time, I tried again, I failed again, I gave up...

Hundreth time, just gave up...

Look at those words, and you'll see me and this stupid situation I put myself in. Time wasted, all this fucked up time I wasted just trying something I can't do. It drains me inside, and I just wanna crawl into a hole and dissappear. You make me feel insignificant and it kills me...

Fuck...

The start of the another week

Aitess, another week, and I already feel the the pressures coming on. hahah, all and all, I feel ready as the weekend was well spent. The first year students organised a Raya gathering at yummyfish's place yesterday and it was loads of fun. Hmm...even the fact that I FAILED my midterm for MATS course hasn't affected me yet. I dunno, maybe I'm still sleepy. Sigh.... well, it'll hit me sooner or later, but for now I'm gonna enjoy this cloud I'm floatin on. Cheers

PG IS SHORT-FORMM!?

Mr Lennox: (To me and Nisah) Both of you have the longest names in the whole group, I can count them!
(Lennox starts to count, Nisah and me laughs)
Me: Oh, did you know that PG and AK are in short form?
(Lennox wide-eyed, stares at my name; "Ak Mohd Hadee Pg Hj Yasfadillah")
Mr Lennox: (Laughs loudly) IT'S SHORT FORM!? You guys do this on purpose to annoy us don't you?!

heheh, that was part of a funny conversation that nisah and I had with my GEOS lecture, Dr Paul Lennox, before having to take our test. He's a really funny guy this lecturer, though sometimes annoying and intimidating, he's still memorable and an okay guy, like dear old Yilderay and H.Salisch of Session 1. All three of them have their own catchphrases, which my batch mates love to make fun off.

Lennox : ..... rightiooo
Yilderay: SooOOoOoooo.....
Salisch: ......do you get me?

Owh.... Lennox sent me an email just now. hahah, cam sengaja ia buat PG atu after the morning's conversation. Usually in his email, he addresses me as Hadee.

LENNOX'S EMAIL:


Dear PG (Hadee to his friends),

You scored 83% for the map test........well done,

Paul

-- Dr Paul Lennox
School of BEES
UNSW
Sydney 2052

Owh....i scored 83% on my mapping test which is AWEEESOOOMEE, HAHAHAHAHAH

All hail the weekend! Woohoo

As quoted from the dorky yet everybody likes him hero - Hiro Nakamura; "IYAAATAAAAAA!!!".

It's Friday, the start of the weekend, WOOHOOO. A little break from structured timetables and time squashing hecticness of the weekdays. Still gotta study and do assignments, but hey, at least I can sleep and wake up when I want to. Let's see, my mood is good ryte now cuz I just did my GEOS MAPPING test and I thought it went pretty well. Don't know for sure, but I definately will pass, AMIIIIN! This happy mood bubble won't last for long though, a few hours later I'm gonna have my MATHS MAPLE test. What is that you ask? It's doing mathematics on a computer test. Sigh.... I didnt think that anything was able to suck the fun out of using computers, but heloooooo maths. Haha totally didnt revise properly for that, my ozzie friends can quote with me on that. XD so my cherished readers, pray for me that I'll do well this semester. I reaaaaaally would appreciate it.

Ah....what else did I want to say. Owh yeah, gambar ku ada dalam surat khabar. huhuhu, inda plang nampak benar, a bit of my head, but hey, that's one sexy head no? Also, I know Mahirah's gonna flame me for this, ada dalam RanoAdidas jua, banyak lagi tu.. hahah, loving the free publicity. What? You think I'm vain? Huweh...your just jealous. hahaha. And I don't have to post much pics as all the links are at RAno and the bass-box webby. I'll post this one pic though, cause it shows of the semangatness of hari Raya in Sydney. What do you think?

Bah, ku kn makan dulu and belajar...ugh...MAPLE. Hope everyone anywhere is doing well. Miss you all loads, selamat raya and studyingg. Cheers, +d440+ OUT!

P.S; Lawakn my new layout? I'm awesome, tell me I'm awesome!!! IYATAAAA

huh...raya?

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maad Zahir Batin, Eid Mubarak and please forgive for all past wrongdoings to all Muslims. Another overdue post so let's just get on with it.

RAYA-ing in SYDNEY.
What's the difference with Raya in Sydney and in Brunei? Well for one, there's no annoying raya songs playing everywhere, except for Bruneian homes of course. There's no last minute wasting money shopping. There's no pressure to look good in front of 'certain' people. In short, Raya here is way toned down, in fact it is barely significant. Hahah, what would you expect being in a foreign country? I'm just surprised of the strength of the small muslim community here. Though small, it's still good to see all these many different people take time out of their day to get out get together to celebrate this day, pray and so on. All you need for a good Raya is, good spirit, good food and good people to be with. In Brunei it feels forced somehow, a little fake and more of a chore, so if some of you guys are wondering why I'm not getting so teary eyed or semangat for Raya, those are the reasons. Yes, I miss my family and friends, but there's no use repetitive complaining, it get's so annoying sometimes.

Daymn...blogger won't let me upload any pictures. Sorry you guys, hahah, maybe I'll post them at KITA SEDUNIA webpage. Just remembered I havent even updated my links yet. Huhuhu, need to update my layout too, getting bored with it. Alas, busy times lay ahead for me. So don't expect any burst of life from me until December. I got assignments and tests all through the next four weeks, followed by my finals. I'm trying so hard to study and do this all a little better. This course, though a pain in the arse if I have to say it, still is what I have to do. i don't think there's anyway to go back and change my choices...is there? Hahah, well, looks like I'm stuck. I don't what's worse, studying for four years for something I know nothing or have no enthusiasm about (I don't like oil and gas, more of a renewable energy person), or the fact that my whole like has been figured out during and after UNI. A desk job? A fucking desk job? god, I still dread this for some reason. What keeps me going? Well...my family I guess, that's the only reason I'm doing this. So they can lay off me for once. Pressure brabis lah....

What I wish for: People who appreciates people more, More time in a day, a world without Maths and chemistry, other than that, cheers, and see ya when I see ya.

THE SUNYINESS

Hey hey hey, Hadee here with a new post. Well, this is overdue, but happy fasting everyone. Phew, a lots been happening and I've skipped over a few events. Yeah, I went to the kunjung Ziarah thing in Sydney with his majesty, yeah I got the "let's not talk or tell anyone anything but hey people still found out" ampau, yeah i know the dirty secrets of the ampau giveaways where some people got even more of surprise if they're higher up in "the list", hey yeah, i went to the SPE dinner with a new fucking expensive wear once in a lifetime tux, hey yeah, I celebrated my birthday and my friends threw me a surprise party before I left to brunei, yeah, I went back to brunei and I've been in Brunei for almost two weeks. I would have posted stuff about all these things but i guess most everyone I know and are close to me know full well of all these stuff already. I dunt think anyone else reads this blog anyways.

I'm home in Brunei, yeah i got homesick and went home, my mom missed me. hahah, I am loved. Well, been feeling the kesunyiness in Sydney and thought things would let up more if I went home. But, now that I'm home.... well the kesunyianness didnt let up. hahah, probably got a little worse. It really nice to come home and hear this from your grandparents;

"Your home? tsk tsk, why didnt u stay in Sydney, your aunt stayed in UK during puasa and raya, siiiiiiigh"

It's good to see you too... bleagh, ah well, I came back cause I just got really sick of Sydney. hahah, maybe it was fasting month and me missing the wedding and family stuff. Ku balik pun... nothing much. I did get to send Mahirah off though.... got to say goodbye, wont see her again for a few years. Got to see alot of my old friends at UBD. It would have been more fun if it wasn't fasting and they didnt have classes. Hahah, I snuck into Mimi's maths tutorial. barutah ku faham MVT and IVT for calculus. Orang putih have a knack for making things a whole lot more complicated than it actually is.

Wished the UBD lecs can help me with my current session maths. i'm really struggling now, this semester just seems easy. I've been doing badly for lots of my coursework. i'm not good at anything, things are so much different than back in MD and Berakas. I lost support team, hahah, mahirah, pu3, fidz, mimi, rudi, Tak, Charles, Arif, Zaimah, Dini, aziz, all these people arent there to help me in Sydney. It's so hard to keep up it just reduces me and kills me, wondering whether I should have said yes when Sis j called those few months ago. Even right now I have these computing and material assignments which I've been trying so hard to do but I reckon I'd still end up with no results to show that hard work. I keep telling myself I'm not trying hard ENOUGH but.... can I even reach that level?

Sunyiness... the deafening sound of silence is all I wake up to these past few days. All my close friends are all busy or far away and I'm stuck in this rut. Thank god i'm with my family, I feel needed again. hahah, they havent changed one bit since I left, still bickering and doing stupid pointless stuff as always. You'd think they'd change for the better after I'm gone. This is a good and bad thing I guess. Two months of feeling completely useless was cured the moment I came back. Alas, this cant last for too long. Yeah....my mom wanted me to stay for raya, but I can't afford to miss anymore classes. it's my responsibility to come back and do my work. had an argument and she keeps hinting for me to stay, but I always answer jokingly and try not to look her in the face. hahah, I can't bare to see her cry and in the end I always get teary when I think of it too much.

So...I'll be back in Sydney by Monday most probably. I'm staying awake now (it's 12:30 Brunei time) to try to get my mats and computing finished. So far only brushed through a few of my Geography mapping exercises and havent touched my maths tutorials. Sigh...how did I let things get so bad. Wish me luck, and cheers.

Eve, the apple of my Eye

Bell X1- Eve, the apple of my eye.

You left it, I sent it
I want it back
You left it, I sent it
I want it back

If I had you here, I'd clip your wings
Snap you up and leave you sprawling on my pin
This plan of mine is oh so very lame
Can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

You left, I died,
I went and you cried
You came, I think
But I never really know I've served my time
I've watched you climb
The wrong incline
But what do I know

Accept it, Don't let it
Turn the screw
Accept it, And let it
Scream back at you

Now this applies both equally to you and I
The only thing we share Is the same sky
These empty metaphors
They're all in vain
Like can't you see the grass is greener where it rains

In the garden Snake was a charmin'
And Eve said let's give it a try
Now lead us not into temptation
But no matter how hard I try

When in the garden and Snake is a charmin'
And Eve says let's give it a try
Eve is the apple of my eye
And I lie behind you
And a cradle you in the palm of me
And I pat your hair down I think will we sink or swim?
'Cause we could do either on a whim

Lawalah this song, heheh, proper post tomorrow k. Cheers

Refreshed...for the moment

Hell...it's been like, two weeks...three since my last proper post? Yeah, I'm sorry bout that. Well, funnily enough, the main reason is the time and mood wasnt there the last weeks. So many ups and downs...a whole lot of downs lately but yeah what better way to be back in the mood and having the time to post in the middle of night! Hahah

I got up early yesterday, which I've been starting to do the past few days (fucking early field trips fault, ruined my eternal clock), ended up feeling sleepy in the middle of the day. Overslept....so overslept.... I blame it on the weather...well, I blame it on stress as well but yeah, the weather decided to become cold again, so it gave me this gigantio migrane and I went home skipping my GEOS lab. That was around 2, 3? Took some pills and slept after asar....got up....a few hours ago which was just after midnight. haha, I overslept and I have a shit load of work to do. I'm pumping myself up full of coffee to stay awake.

DEDICATED TO RUDI and everyone else!
Reading blogs....realised I missed Rudi's take off to Scotland. nasibku sempat chat with him the day before. Wanted to call, but yeah.... was asleep. Two years engineering..... god, gonna miss that guy. Asked him to get a blog, which i hope he does, wanna noe how a scotsman's life is. Rudi was my PS buddy at MD along with Azam and Mimi, Kuching....Amar and Hayat? Can't remember...hahah. Been my classmate since form 4...only became good friends in the two years of form 6. Sat next to him in Maths in Sir Wan's class. Shit..... gonna miss those good all times. Fuck, i feel sad now. hahah. huweh...the lame jokes, the stories...President Rudi of Nature club, the hockey stories, the football stories...the porn stories.... hahah hot and wet bench talk. Ahan Thai eats, Mr Pizza Eats, coffee bean drinks with Amar, bbq's, movies road trips. Owe a lot to this guy. Well good luck man, you're a swell guy. Good luck to you with your Studies in Scotland and all your future endeavours. Thank you for all those time spent with all your friends, we appreciate it...i appreciate it. Laps you man and gonna miss you. heheh gay moment there.

haha, now I'm all depressed again. Well, reading Amar's blog got me depressed, just typing this has increased the depression levels. Got me thinking again....Rudi off....Soon more people will be....heard Hayat's gonna be off.....the Shell UK batch people will be off in a few weeks, so prob Azam will be gone as well. People are getting scholarships here and there and dissappearing. I dissappeared early, so that doesnt really matter. You guys have been waiting for so long, hahah, had to listen to all that bitching and complaining, god I wont get it, i hate waiting, I hate MOE, blablabla, well u got it now people whether yur flying off or in UBD, ITB, etc, u still got it! hahahha, I demand compensation for all the misery u guys passed on to me. hahah, wow...I'm so happy for you guys you know, a dream come true. The wait is over...you're where ur supposed to be and all that hard work and praying payed off. congratulations, be happy and celebrate okay! No more complaining and mnyamaling and being jealous and badmouthing, XD

Huweh.... thinking of home too much. Well, I think of home everyday, but lately its been to the point of heartache and tears. Yeah, I cried...its been awhile. it was during the geos field trip, sorri to those who saw. hahah, dunno what the hell came over me. It was the night before I guess, was dreaming bout home and before I knew it, I was awake with tears all over my face. So fucking emo...hahah, yeah I miss my family. The day of the Geos Trip was the last day of my uncles wedding, so i really felt it on the bus, thinking about missing everything and not being there to help. Was reading the handout and suddenly, this pain just popped into my chest and I cudnt hold back anymore. hahaha, that's how much I miss you guys okay, so don't come up to me on MSN and say I'm being ambong kembang or whatever and inda layan u guys. Shit...sometimes it annoys me like hell that you guys think you act as if you know what the fuckis going on when in fact you don't know shit. I know some of you are depressed and have fucked up lives as well but don't go around comparing how your life sucks as much as anyone elses cause there's no fucking point. It's pathetic and disgusting. Bsyukurtah once in awhile, I don't throw about my shitty life and make it my focal point as if your proud that your life is shitty. yes...I get depressed, I suck at shoolwork and I dunt play sports but hell, I get over it or try to get better. Your adults, your Muslims, get the hell over yourself. There's this one person, who was so fucking full of herself and wudnt even open up to the fact that life's more than hiding behind her own scars that it was so...ugh....It's hard for me to even talk about it. Mental ku pikirkn. Yeah, I dunt noe what the hell u been through but heck people shudnt demand symphathy and make people feel depressed about it. I know she doesnt read this blog, hell, I dont even know if she wants anything to do with me anymore, but yeah, I just wanna say it and let it all out. I'm sorry for what I said, but get over it, and there's more to life than being right all the time and I maybe I was wrong to say all those things. I may be full of hypocrisy sometimes, but yeah I'm learning as well, why don't you?

Wow...I don't know if I feel better or worse after typing that. It's high school all over again and I'm not even in a fucking relationship. hahha, yeah anyways, we'll talk about something else. Hmm... well, I did a lotta stuff that was worth mentioning but I'm running out of time. I'll post random pics for now. Sorry for bitchiness and the asshole talk. XD

GEOS FIELD TRIP

BRUNEIAN PAINTBALL OUTING

(More piccys here & here )

SMASH ANIME CONVENTION ROUNDHOUSE UNSW

Something Inbetween

It been really 'busy' the past two weeks. Havent really recovered from the onslaught of tests and assignments, so I was really didnt have the energy left to post a serious post as I usually do. I havent even cleaned up my effin room which looks like it internally imploded on itself. Books and clothes everywhere....even my wall hangings are coming off. Sigh...when I actually want to pick something up, something else comes up..like...you know...stuff.

Well, whats the point of this doesnt really have a point post. Just to show you I'm alive and suffering. Yahooo... I'm suffocating in my room and have to glue myself to the computer screen to do my online tutorials until I get eye cancer. Sigh...i wanna say so much stuff...got a load to dump out from my chest, and yet...I cant. So, here's to keeping things in until you implode like my room and then slowly dying. hahah, fuck, cant wait for the weekend. Cheers

Empty Promises

Huweh...it's so hard to keep a clear head these days. I get so effin stressed out lately, gawd, I hope its gets warmer soon, so I can jog more regularly. It's been so hard to jog the past few days, the cold air suffocates me. I jog to get away from suffocation NOT to get even MORE SUFFOCATED. Btw, I found this park close buy to my place and it's just beautiful. Quite and serene, an ideal place for me. It's huge and has many ponds with all these ducks, swans and I even saw this huge pelican that day. hahah, so effin noisy but relaxing nontheless. I was so mesmerized by this place I even forgot how to get back. That's right! I got lost!





Hahah, it was funny actually, I was like 'Jog further, explore this place, cool another pond'. Then, it started getting dark and when I wanted to go back I forgot which direction I came from, and when it's dark, things dont look as familiar as it used to. So I wandered around in the dark until I reached the gate perimeter. Ended up coming out of the park at the Randwick entrance. I live in Kensington which is a bit further down from Randwick. Hahah, you can't imagine the expression on my face when I say malaysian hall while walking down the road and saying to myself 'FINALLY SOMETHING FAMILIAR!' Walked a looong way but got home eventually, took a shower and headed off to the malaysion food thingy. Cost $6 and got to eat nasigoreng, ayam, roti kosong prata thing. Had to wait awhile because the food ran out (annoyed me like hell) but in the end it was all worth it.





Sigh..yeah that's pretty much my life for the past few days. The only way I get to have fun outside of home is by jogging, I have no cash left for city trips. Looking forward to tomorrow though, I'm attending this anime convention thing. Hahah, all the cosplayers, anime skits, video games all in one place. ANyways, this isn't much of the post, its just needed to write something to get stuff off of my head. I'm really pissed now, but hey, I'm not gonna let you guys suffer through it. Heheh, I'm too nice. Leave you guys with some of the stuff I've been cooked up the past week. +d440+ out!

LELAKI BUJANG FOOD

Homemade Sushi

Homemade Nasi Ayam

P.s: I hope you guys are hungry now, muahahahaha!

Sleepiness

Hey hoo haa, A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MR ARYF who's celebratin his 19th today. Yeah he's the guy who abandoned his blog to live in a hostel..I mean, what the fuck is up with that? Hahah, anyways, yeah, wish you all the best man in UBD and any future undertakings, stay funny, stay cool and prasaan as always. You say your a beautiful swan but you're still a freakin ugly duckling inside no matter what you effin say. hahah, sorry I don't have a more recent pic of you but this is all I have. The pic above was cropped from the MD prom group photo at Empire. That chubby chin behind you is Amar, hahah sorry bout that Amar, had to cut off half your face. XD

Well today has been one tiring day... for the most of it I only had a test, calculus test, it went well (thank god the studying paid off) but I stayed up late studying for it and it was a real cold wet day so I'm pretty tuckered out. I also got up early because I thought the test was at 9 and turned out to be at 10. Skipped breakfast cause of the rush and if me no have breakfast me go sleepy nite nite so fast. Also wore almost full baju melayu wear today for the sake of Islamic Awareness week and the thing I have to say is that baju cara melayu is NOT EQUIPPED for use outside of the tropics. Man... yeah it was SO COLD, haha, I wore baju belapis (shirts in multiple layers) but you cant wear pants under the baju melayu pants so it got pretty chilly down there. Uweh... just glad the day is over.

Btw, to all those who know Asqalani (my flatmate), his email has been hacked and the guy who hacked him is distributing emails to all the people on Asqa's contact list with the message 'EMERGENCY PLEASE HELP ME' . When you open it, it says something about Asqa being stuck in Nigeria. Man...these hackers have no originality, I mean if they want to make a scam and scam the same person over and over with different names, AT LEAST change the place where they 'say' the money is. Fucking idiots for hacking and making peoples lives a misery, EVEN MORE FUCKING IDIOTS because they have no sense of originality or creativity. Hahha, this is +d440+ out!

Tagged by Mahirah

Uweh...I don't hear from this person for like how many weeks and then she appears she suddenly tags me with this survey questionaire thing. Heheh, it's good to here you're alive meh!

1. Tell us your name:
Awangku Mohammad Hadee Pengiran Haji Yasfadillah. I love it during role calls and when the tutor or demonstrater of the class comes to my name and goes "uhm...uh...I cant say this". Heheh, my names so long, it has to be shortened by making it Ak Mohd Hadee Pg Haji Yasfadillah. Still long and in the last resort dey'll call me 'Ackh'! Hahah

2. Three things about yourself:
The first thing is...Hm..I'm not like other 'normal' guys...I guess, I don't do the whole football thing, hahah, what is normal? The second is....I like coffee....COFFEE IS GOOD, COFFEE IS HEAVEN, COFFEE WITH CHOCOLATE IS....*orgasm* hahahah. Third thing is...lets see, it's I like to be unique or I just hate poklens....you get the idea. XD

3. What’s in your playlist:
Let's see....I'm playing all tracks now so that mean every single piece of music you can imagine.. (except for hip hop and RnB). A lotta music I stole from Mahirah and a new song I downloaded a few minutes ago - the Simpsons theme song by Green Day. hahaha- daa daa daaa da daaa daa daa daa daa.

4. Your favourite music:
I’mma music lover too. Music from the soul always gets me...

5. Favourite guilty pleasure:
Cartoons...yeah, why do i feel guilty? Because I'm almost 19 and I'm still addicted to cartoons. Hahah, well other than that my other guilty pleasure is pigging out on Oporto burgers...Gawd dey're delicious...

6. Favourite food:
OPORTO BURGER.....NYYUUUUM SLUUUURP DROOOL....I'm hungry now...

7. Define love:
Love is like oxygen, without it we can't breathe... (Gotta love Moulin Rouge) Love is from the heart! XD

8. Define sex:
Sex, its when a man sticks his weenie into a girls burrito. Why i say burrito because it's the first thing dat popped in my head! HAHAHA

9. Any celebrity crushes?:
Hilary Duff is puuuurty.

10. The last person you hugged:
My mom at the airport....sniiiffss....I miss home now...lalalala

11. The last person you talked to:
Asqa, not talked but rather grunted at. hahaah

12. The last time you cried:
A few weeks ago..hahah, I'm a softie, fuck.

13. The last time you had sex:
*giggles*

14. The last time you made out:
In my sweet SWEEET dreams...

15. The last person you dated:
Next question pleaseee!

16. The last time you went out:
I went to Uni this morning, hahah does that count?

17. What’s on your mind now?:
who the hell writes these question?

18. What’s bothering you?:
The fact that I have a calculus test to be studying for and I'm filling out this pointless thing!

19. This year’s resolutions:
Make this year better than last year....hahaha

20. Your MSN nick“:
~ DeAd ENd + d 4 4 0 + Lost inside these thoughts of you...

21. What’s your MSN nick about?:
Pretty much self explainatory...MAN WHO WRITES THIS?

22. The people you miss the most:
I miss my family and friends back home... :(

23. Current mood:
Depends on what song is playing...hahah

24. What are you thinking?:
Wasn't there a question like this a moment ago?

25. Best childhood memory:
Playing with my toy whale boat thing in the bathtub....it made bubbles...I wonder what happened to that thing?

26. 3 of your biggest fears:
Dying unfufilled, Being forgotten, Being a dissappointment.

27. Who do you love?:
Love...is a many slendid thing... I love you...

28. 3 of the things you hate:
Read the my hates part of my blog.

29. Do you blog?:
See answer to number 28

30. Tag 5 people:
I tag you Amar-chu, I tag you Pu3-mon, I tag you Din-amon, I tag you Salwa-pokmssaur, I tag you...uh...who else blogs...uh....Nuar? Sorry man, hahahah.

I am here...thank god...

In this moment, it's hard to express how I feel and it's so funny how quick feelings of giddiness turned to depression and back to happiness and satisfication. I was laying around watching TV and realising how late it was, I turned it off and went to my room to revise for my calculus test. I noticed that I left my blog window open on Explorer. I gave it a quick glance, noticed Maleeya's comment about past blog posts and due to my nature of short attention spans, I opened my friendster to read through my old posts.

Man... it's amazing how much forgotten feelings can pop back up when I start reading those old posts. I laughed, winced, almost cried and now I'm smiling again. I never noticed that a life such as mine could even be a mildly bit interesting. heheh, yeah, I found reading my old posts interesting cause it shows me how much I had to go through to get to this point and reminds me yet again of what all this is worth. Presently I am complaining about sucky the present is and all the hassle I have to go through and you know what? I said the exact same thing years back. Funny, life is exactly what I'd imagined and thought it would be from months ago to now. And, wow, I am here. and I'm going to say it again ... I AM HERE... and that's the important thing.

Inda menyesal (no regrets) for making blogs. A slap in the face and I regain my senses again. I really miss you guys right now, and I miss everyone back home and yet I can't wait for what's about to come in this unpredictable drama we call life.

+d440+ out

Weekend of Birthdays

Rudi loves playing with his balls...

Well, surprisingly when I opened my Diary Planner, turns out August is a pretty hectic month. Yeah, I have assignements tests and all that crap but what makes it hectic is the fact that they're so many of my friends celebrating their B'day's this month. heheh, so happy birthday to all you August borns! Firstly, happy belated to Rudi (pic above) org scotland still stuck dbrunei who celebrated his bday on Thursday 9th August and to Alina (I dont have her pic XD) who celebrated her bday yesterday 11th August. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO NUAR (I dont have your pic either, hahah) who's celebrating his birthday today. I wish you all good luck in all your future endeavers and god bless. They're are many more of my friends bdays coming up in the coming weeks but I'll acknowledge them on their respective days with a post. heheh, one particular bday (if you can see on my planner below) falls on the same day as my calculus test. So Aryf, happy advance bday man, while you celebrating your 19th birthday on Tuesday, I'll be suffering a calculus test as your bday present, hahaha.

Planner shows a busy week full of test, due assignments and birthdays...

Yeah, I'm gonna be so busy for the next few weeks. But next week, all test and assignment aside, if Islamic Awareness Week in UNSW. I have the list of events (which isnt much) but malas ku scan. The gist of it is that during lunch they're gonna be free halal food...WHICH IS AWESOOME. hahah, also, as muslims, we have to show our true colours during this week, so I'm probably gonna where my baju melayu. hahah, showing off Islam and Malay culture at the same time, AWESOME.

If you can see clearly on the page of my planner above (sorry the pic quality is crap), I have a lotta stuff to complete in this weekend...which is by the end of today. But alas, I havent done much because of my complete incompetence of cleaning my room:

Haha, If my room is messy, I feel messy, and if i feel messy, I lose interest in doing anything. So I spent most of this morning cleaning up my room. It's clean now (wud show you a photo but I forgot to upload it), so I'll try to complete everything after I post my blog. Uweh...it so hard to do my own work as well because its tiring, you come home to rest but instead you have to do more revision. Most days, you can feel like you're turning into some robot.

heheh, speaking of robots, remember the hype of transformers. yeah, I watched that freakin movie back in Brunei, effects and visuals were awesome but the storyline was so simple and dialog so predictable and lame, I felt as if my brain was melting. hahah, funnily, most people enjoyed it...what a surprise. I dunno, if a lot of people like something, everybody will like it and I find it annoying. Transformers is just another fad, and it's funny how some people get sucked up into so much and think they know everything about it when in fact they dont know shyte. All and all, yeah it was a decent movie but I wouldnt go around worshipping it and spurting out lines from the movie repetitively as if it were some kind of prayer. Grow a brain people...

Ehem...anyways, speaking of brainless people, here's something me and my friends did to pass the time while waiting at a bus stop which had a transformers advert on it. The similarities are amazing, yamin especially, hahahah.

Yeah watching movies are fun, especially for stress relief. By the end of the day, I need to laugh my head off and scream in a microphone in order to clear out my head. On thursday after a ruff week, I went to the city with Leena to watch the Simpsons movie followed by dinner and karaoke-ing for two hours. I had fun, ended up coming home at 100 am. simpsons was funny as expected. Plotline...well it wasnt the epic you expected it to be, it just seemed like a better animated longer episode of the simpsons. Nothing new for me, but it was a funny movie, it was predictable and cliche but the dialog wasnt as monotonous and painful as that of transformers.

Anyways, yeah, that's all I wanted to post for now. sorry for the transformers bashing but yeah, I just wanted to say it. hahah, oh yeah, I decided to start spiking up my hair to prevent 'Johnny Bravo' look from resurfacing. Uweh, waddhya think. hahah



+d440+ out