THE SUNYINESS

Hey hey hey, Hadee here with a new post. Well, this is overdue, but happy fasting everyone. Phew, a lots been happening and I've skipped over a few events. Yeah, I went to the kunjung Ziarah thing in Sydney with his majesty, yeah I got the "let's not talk or tell anyone anything but hey people still found out" ampau, yeah i know the dirty secrets of the ampau giveaways where some people got even more of surprise if they're higher up in "the list", hey yeah, i went to the SPE dinner with a new fucking expensive wear once in a lifetime tux, hey yeah, I celebrated my birthday and my friends threw me a surprise party before I left to brunei, yeah, I went back to brunei and I've been in Brunei for almost two weeks. I would have posted stuff about all these things but i guess most everyone I know and are close to me know full well of all these stuff already. I dunt think anyone else reads this blog anyways.

I'm home in Brunei, yeah i got homesick and went home, my mom missed me. hahah, I am loved. Well, been feeling the kesunyiness in Sydney and thought things would let up more if I went home. But, now that I'm home.... well the kesunyianness didnt let up. hahah, probably got a little worse. It really nice to come home and hear this from your grandparents;

"Your home? tsk tsk, why didnt u stay in Sydney, your aunt stayed in UK during puasa and raya, siiiiiiigh"

It's good to see you too... bleagh, ah well, I came back cause I just got really sick of Sydney. hahah, maybe it was fasting month and me missing the wedding and family stuff. Ku balik pun... nothing much. I did get to send Mahirah off though.... got to say goodbye, wont see her again for a few years. Got to see alot of my old friends at UBD. It would have been more fun if it wasn't fasting and they didnt have classes. Hahah, I snuck into Mimi's maths tutorial. barutah ku faham MVT and IVT for calculus. Orang putih have a knack for making things a whole lot more complicated than it actually is.

Wished the UBD lecs can help me with my current session maths. i'm really struggling now, this semester just seems easy. I've been doing badly for lots of my coursework. i'm not good at anything, things are so much different than back in MD and Berakas. I lost support team, hahah, mahirah, pu3, fidz, mimi, rudi, Tak, Charles, Arif, Zaimah, Dini, aziz, all these people arent there to help me in Sydney. It's so hard to keep up it just reduces me and kills me, wondering whether I should have said yes when Sis j called those few months ago. Even right now I have these computing and material assignments which I've been trying so hard to do but I reckon I'd still end up with no results to show that hard work. I keep telling myself I'm not trying hard ENOUGH but.... can I even reach that level?

Sunyiness... the deafening sound of silence is all I wake up to these past few days. All my close friends are all busy or far away and I'm stuck in this rut. Thank god i'm with my family, I feel needed again. hahah, they havent changed one bit since I left, still bickering and doing stupid pointless stuff as always. You'd think they'd change for the better after I'm gone. This is a good and bad thing I guess. Two months of feeling completely useless was cured the moment I came back. Alas, this cant last for too long. Yeah....my mom wanted me to stay for raya, but I can't afford to miss anymore classes. it's my responsibility to come back and do my work. had an argument and she keeps hinting for me to stay, but I always answer jokingly and try not to look her in the face. hahah, I can't bare to see her cry and in the end I always get teary when I think of it too much.

So...I'll be back in Sydney by Monday most probably. I'm staying awake now (it's 12:30 Brunei time) to try to get my mats and computing finished. So far only brushed through a few of my Geography mapping exercises and havent touched my maths tutorials. Sigh...how did I let things get so bad. Wish me luck, and cheers.