The plans you make...

It's been 4 hours since our internet bill was renewed, finally giving me and my housemates the much awaited uncontrolled access to the net. I've been glued to the screen catching up on news, blogs and youtube, glorious gloooorious youtube. Free time and broadband internet is a dangerous mix.

Well, this post is turning out to be quite more lighthearted than I expected. I actually had typed out a post a few days ago, but saved it on MSWord cuz I cudn't access the net. When I looked back at it, well, lets say it wasnt light hearted. I was down....real down. Well who wudn't be. It was exams time and to top it off I was and still broke. hahah, but luckily, my $$$ was spent on my beautiful new PS3. Yes, I would rather starve than be without video games. Well, exams are over now, and loads of free time just opened up for me. I still dont know what I'm going to do these holidays. Stuff keeps happening and I keep changing my plans and everytime I change my plans, I feel a little bit more worn out. So i'm just waiting around until something happens.

Hopefully, something good...

Phil Collins

Phil Collins is awesome. Weirdly enough, only started listening to him when I heard his songs in Disney's Tarzan. My love for animated movies are equaled with my love for the music sung in them. All his songs, all have his heart in them and I admire someone who can express themselves that way. Phil Collins one of the best musicians ever.




LYRICS - Can't Stop Loving You by Phil Collins

So youre leaving
In the morning
On the early train
But I could say everythings alright
And I could pretend and say goodbye

Got your ticket
Got your suitcase
Got your leaving smile
Oh, I could say thats the way it goes
And I could pretend and you wont know
That I was lying

Because I cant stop loving you
No, I cant stop loving you
No, I wont stop loving you
Why should i

We took a taxi
To the station
Not a word was said
And I saw you walk across the road
For maybe the last time, I dont know

Feeling humble
Heard a rumble
On the railway track
And when I hear the whistle blow
I walk away and you wont know
That ill be crying

Because I cant stop loving you
No, I cant stop loving you
No, I wont stop loving you
Why should i

Even try
Ill always be here by your side (why why why)
I never wanted to say goodbye
Im always here if you change, change your mind

So your leaving
In the morning
On the early train
But I could say everythings alright
And I could pretend and say goodbye
But that would be lying,no

Because I cant stop loving you
(cant stop loving you)
No, I cant stop loving you
(I wont stop loving you)
No, I wont stop loving you
Why should I even try
Because I cant stop loving you
(cant stop loving you)
No, I cant stop loving you
(thats all I can do)
No, I wont stop loving you
Why should i
(why should I)
Why should i
(tell me why)
Why should I even try

The dreams has ended?

I've been avoiding my thoughts lately and delaying my posts. Everytime I want to type something up, I just delete it right after. It's not that I want to avoid what people would think of me but it's actually to avoid looking at myself. This blog, this whole daily posts, is my means of self-reflection and recently I'm pretty much disgusted to look at myself.

I clearly have no clue what I am or what I've been doing. I don't know what I want and I don't know what I aspire to. Every action I have taken so far has been a contradiction to my belief and my ideals and in short, i think I pretty much screwed myself over. I've been moping about it, wallowing in my own self loathing self pity pool of crap. There was this straight line I've always followed but now its turned all jagged and split in different directions with no end in sight. I am so fucking scared of dissappointing everyone, that I ended up dissappointing myself. Shit... there's a freakin limit to how much of this i can tolerate. Given up.... yeah probably. Like, what's the point of anything anymore if i'm just gonna get screwed over.

So has the dream ended...? From how things has been going lately, I guess so.