Keeping Ahead of Yourself

Never got round to posting this up. This is Me, Rudi, Hayat, Amar and Mimi posing next to our respective cars after our convoy to Empire Beach. haha, I still think its one of the awesomeness pics i've taken!

I totally forgot to say this is my last post; CONGRATULATIONS to all those back home who got accepted to UBD including 4 of my good friends in the pic above. CONGRATS as well to those who got into ITB and any other place. You have set another foot forward in life and you should all be proud of yourselves. Sigh...its amazing that we all got this far. Seriously, I never thought alot about what life is gonna be like beyond high school. Even right now, I'm still confused about what's going on with my life now.

It's funny that, I kept saying that we will all part ways one day and should be prepared about what to expect in the future. In the end, I was the one weeping like an idiot at the airport. In my head, I knew all this stuff was going to happen but I guess my heart just didn't get the clue. You can feel so vulnerable in a new enviroment and there were many points that I was so scared of moving forward that I didnt want to take anything seriously. I've completed half of my first year in university and I still feel like nothings happened. You watched all this stuff in TV and read it in books, this will be the turning point in your life. Well it is, but why do I feel like this?

I don't know...maybe I'm homesick. Looking at all my friends photo's in their blog utterly depresses me. And then, when I think about it, when I was back home, i felt the same way. i feel like nothing, like somethings missing. I do all this stuff to make it feel like I am but at the end of the day, when I get to my bed, I feel like sleeping and never getting up...or maybe it's just the cold weather that's getting me down, hahahah. I pray to God, knowing that I have a heck of a lot of things to be grateful for, and yet I kick it away thinking why the hell do I deserve it? I don't know why I'm punishing myself...maybe it's to help me feel something. Hahah, this post is turning into a theraphy session.

Well...I'm really hoping that in this second session, things will start making sense to me again. I gonna set goals again and try to stick to it this time round. I need to just keep ahead of myself, I'm letting things flow by me so fast that I'm losing grip of what's important and why I went to Sydney in the first place, TO GET A FREAKIN EDUCATION MEH! (That sounded so cool and lame at the same time, hahaha) Printed this a few days ago:

My goals for this session:

1. Finish everybit of homewok and assignment before its due date

2. Attend, if able, every lecture without fail

3. Keep complete and accurate lecture notes and make sure to revise weekly

4. Control Spending (I will do this when my next allowance comes in, cause I so goddamn broke and as Izah would say "KAPIH KU EHHHH!")

5. Lose another 10 kgs. (Losing weight feels good, it makes me think better and yeah you look better too, hahaah)

6. The last and most important one which I forgot to print the first time round; Sembahyang 5 waktu...if able.

YEAH! Gonna be a nerd this time round. Well, I have no choice. Fooled around last semester and look where it got me; 2 passes, 1 credit and only 1 freakin High Distinction. Have to be like the others....real smart, which as of now, looks like a long way to go. Hell if there was one advantage of feeling so insignificant and low is that if gives you A HUGE ADRENALINE RUSH to be better and improve yourself constantly. I feel like watching Naruto now. hahahah

+d440+ out!!!