Losing My identity...

I'm at uni right now, taking advantage of the free internet at the library. haha, ran out of bandwidth at home and in fear of excess internet usage charge, I have become an internet refugee and begun to plunder the natural resources of my beloved unsw. I also wanted to do my report which is due on Tuesday *says this to make self feel better*

Anyways, I apologize, I have to forfeit my promises of writing different posts about my winter holiday, MOE visit, dewa experience as well as the Malaysian Independence Thing I attended last night. Instead, I'm going to post photos of everything on facebook (cuz "everyone" is there and its easier to upload photos there) and put my thoughts of these events and the impact on my life all in this post. So, if you're the type who wants to gawk at photos and live witty comments, you can bugger off from here and go to my facebook (I'm not going to put a link here, cuz if you're my friend, you shud by now have added me on facebook). If you're actually interested in what I think and have to say, than by all means stay.

WINTER HOLIDAY

Well when winter holiday began I was at the verge of mental breakdown. Well, I'm always at the verge of mental breakdown but this was like the verge-est of vergeness. Just completed a stressfull exam period and the cold weather was not much help. And I was really really having riffs with some people. Yeah, I got a Ps3 to help ease the pain but that put me in a huge deficit in my bank account and I was filled with money woes as well. Then like an voice from the heavens, my mom called out to me; "dear boy, to ease your suffering, we have booked you a flight to return home, so pack your bags, you're going home!" Well, it wasn't exactly like that, it was a chat and my mom asked "Come home laaah"

As being poor meant not being able to do much in Sydney, yeah decided to go home. One stopover in Brisbane and 8 hours later, I was home. Leaving the freezing numbing cold and stepping out of the plane into the warmth of my dear home county was a very wonderful experience. An intensely wet sticky salty experience as months of held in sweat decided to burst out of my pores in one go. I got for a few days as my body was trying its best to adapt to the hot weather. But life was good.

It was good to be home, it felt good to bother my sister every second of the day again. It felt good to help my mom out at home and work. It felt good to be able to play with all my little cousins and especially sayangku daleng alai baby Amirah aka pumpkin. I miss her so much now, just seeing her in my webcam makes me want to burst into tears. Everymorning, when I send my mom to work, she's be in the TV room with her maid and I'd just yell out her name and she's be smiling and laughing her head of. Yeah, I have to take care of big kids at my house in sydney but I prefer cute little ones, instead of overgrown buttugly guys, hahah.

Surprisingly being home, I didnt hang out a lot with my friends. We did a few times I think, but not as much as I hoped. But, just being able to see their faces again and talk at the same table was a really good feeling. We've changed and are busy with our lives but finding that you still can make time (even though a little) to hang out with your old friends is a truly satisfying experience. Especially the bbq at berakas, I was surprised to see so many old faces turn up out of the blue even though we barely spoke for the past few years. I guess we never do forget the good times we had and will always try again to make it happen and last.

I always have these thoughts that I have been abandoned and forgotten. Guess thats one of my flaws of being so insecure of myself. Again, life can prove me wrong and show me that bonds do last no matter how strained they are. That's why I always know I have someone to come home to at the end of the day. My true friends who I appreciate the most and don't say this enough, thank you so much. I always miss you and keep you in my heart. So if I don't send you a message, or call you or don't chat with you as much as I do. Please, just have faith in our friendship that we are always thinking about each other. I admit I do feel abit rejected when some people don't even have the decency to say hi when their online, heck, my online messenger list is always full of people but I rarely chat to any of them lately. So I could have tried harder, I know that now. Just know that I never forget every single moment we spent with each other in the past and I cherish each of them and I am thankful for those times. Heck I love you guys even though I don't show it as much as I cud have.

Those 2/3 weeks was a good refreshing break. Jogging the warm beaches, hanging out with my cousins, empire, helping out at my moms and aunties. As hectic as life can be, your home will always be there. So I try to keep that fact in my brain, so I can understand why I'm here down under. To make a living... to make a better person out of myself... to be more independant... to make my family proud. My mindset was back to normal and I'm ready to start a new semester.

A NEW SEMESTER STARTS