Sunday, August 31, 2008
One Last Cry
My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I’m down to my last cry
Cry......
I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....
I’m gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry
Chorus:
One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I’m down
I guess I’m down
I guess I’m down...
To my last cry...
*********************************
One last cry before Ramadhan. Hehe, happy fasting to all muslims. All my love to you...
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Big step
Today was seemed different, something was shown to me and I took a huge risk and went for it. At the time, it seemed the right choice, the timing perfect. All my worries and doubts could be answered if I went for this. It was thrusted to me and I took it.
Now suddenly, I"m thinking about it. God, why do I do this, when I finally think I did something right, I start thinking back and it just spoils it for me. Now I'm stressed, now I can't concentrate, now I feel like beating myself up and throwing up. I'm doing this to myself, I know, I have problems accepting my actions sometimes. Sigh... and I really need this to work, cuz I can't afford another stupid mistake. I dont think I can handle it.
Now suddenly, I"m thinking about it. God, why do I do this, when I finally think I did something right, I start thinking back and it just spoils it for me. Now I'm stressed, now I can't concentrate, now I feel like beating myself up and throwing up. I'm doing this to myself, I know, I have problems accepting my actions sometimes. Sigh... and I really need this to work, cuz I can't afford another stupid mistake. I dont think I can handle it.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Blankness
Totally blanked out right now. Just drank black expresso coffee cuz I wanted to do my report which I thought I had to hand up in the morning. Turns out its not due till next week. hahha, shit Hadee, you need to keep track of stuff. Well, now I'm wide awake, and gonna be for the next few hours cause this coffee is 'that' strong.
Well, I'm blank right now and not sure what to do. I'm staring at my WANTED poster with Angelina Jolie on it. Its covered with post-it notes because I had no where to stick em. Still havent watched the movie and its long played out. Wanted to watch WANTED when it was still at the cinemas but was broke at the time. Meh...money, after that god awful experience of worrying and starving myself, I really need to watch my spendings. Went grocery shopping for the first time in a long time just now. Passing by all the other shops, that old feeling started flooding back. The need to buy anything shiny. hahah
I saving up some of my allowance money, cuz I wanna go somewhere interesting during my next break. Was thinking of visiting my friends in NZ. But I was looking at the travelling section of the newspaper and there is a whole lot of other places i could go to with the same price. hhaha, I'd really like to go all around the world one day. And the thing thats stopping me, and everyone else, is money and time. So i wanna go overseas, I need money. For money, I need to work. I'm considered partly working now, since shell is paying me. But, I have to be here to study. So when i finish, i have to work. To get the money to go globe tripping, you need to work and save up for years. So what I'm worried about is, how long will i have to wait. Time is precious and anything can happen.
Hm...life is sooo.... hm hm.. Well, I hope Allah the almighty will give me a chance to explore this mysterious place he created called earth. insyaa allaah. And hopefully, I get to see it with all of you by my side. hee, AMIN.
Well, I'm blank right now and not sure what to do. I'm staring at my WANTED poster with Angelina Jolie on it. Its covered with post-it notes because I had no where to stick em. Still havent watched the movie and its long played out. Wanted to watch WANTED when it was still at the cinemas but was broke at the time. Meh...money, after that god awful experience of worrying and starving myself, I really need to watch my spendings. Went grocery shopping for the first time in a long time just now. Passing by all the other shops, that old feeling started flooding back. The need to buy anything shiny. hahah
I saving up some of my allowance money, cuz I wanna go somewhere interesting during my next break. Was thinking of visiting my friends in NZ. But I was looking at the travelling section of the newspaper and there is a whole lot of other places i could go to with the same price. hhaha, I'd really like to go all around the world one day. And the thing thats stopping me, and everyone else, is money and time. So i wanna go overseas, I need money. For money, I need to work. I'm considered partly working now, since shell is paying me. But, I have to be here to study. So when i finish, i have to work. To get the money to go globe tripping, you need to work and save up for years. So what I'm worried about is, how long will i have to wait. Time is precious and anything can happen.
Hm...life is sooo.... hm hm.. Well, I hope Allah the almighty will give me a chance to explore this mysterious place he created called earth. insyaa allaah. And hopefully, I get to see it with all of you by my side. hee, AMIN.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
The midnight wander
Its midnight again and I'm distracting myself on the priorities at hand and wandering around the net. But, I still have a full jar of Nescafe expresso coffee (unfortunately, I couldn't say the same for my other food stock) and the company of radio tunes to keep me awake. Wandering is what I do to feed my always hungry mind. Even though the vast amounts of information I absorb is useless in the overall picture, I will continue to wander like a zombie hungry for human innards.
As usual, like a fucking addiction, I wander to your page and look through your collections of photos even though I know not one of the persons standing next to you is me. And then I remember those words that you have said. You say those words like it were nothing, you make it sound so simple. How could it be simple when all of me was crushed in a single blow. So I am recuperating now, I am not begging for things to go the other way because I've learnt this lesson already. You'd think that once you felt a pain such as this, you'd never feel it again, but hey this is life. What's life without the joy of getting slapped around once or twice. IT'S FREAKIN AWESOME!
Hahah, yeah, I've been taking the pity train a little too far I guess. I'll try to get off at the next stop, I promise. It's was an excruciating but I think worthwhile experience. So now I wander what's at that next stop, and whether I'll board the right train and finally reach that destination I wanted to go to. =)
As usual, like a fucking addiction, I wander to your page and look through your collections of photos even though I know not one of the persons standing next to you is me. And then I remember those words that you have said. You say those words like it were nothing, you make it sound so simple. How could it be simple when all of me was crushed in a single blow. So I am recuperating now, I am not begging for things to go the other way because I've learnt this lesson already. You'd think that once you felt a pain such as this, you'd never feel it again, but hey this is life. What's life without the joy of getting slapped around once or twice. IT'S FREAKIN AWESOME!
Hahah, yeah, I've been taking the pity train a little too far I guess. I'll try to get off at the next stop, I promise. It's was an excruciating but I think worthwhile experience. So now I wander what's at that next stop, and whether I'll board the right train and finally reach that destination I wanted to go to. =)
Monday, August 25, 2008
The puzzle
I needed to look back to understand. I tried my best to read between these lines and try to make sense of the trail of clues you've left behind. This puzzle, this complexity that you've created will truly make any sensible person give up. It is clear that you don't want to be solved so why bother.
But I am not a sensible person. Though I fail again and again, I will forever try till my last breath. Till me eyes run dry of tears, till my blood boils and bones crumble, I will try. I am no hero, I am no lover, I am no genius, I cannot promise you anything because I know I am not perfect. There is only one promise that I'll keep and its a promise I've kept since you've linked this chain between us. I've faded into the dark so many times but you were always there to light the way back. The years that passed were only tolerable because we were there for each other.
Lately, the challenges that were laid upon our paths has made things obscured. Indeed, that chain we made has long become rusted and worn. That light that lit the way had faded and for awhile, I thought it'll never come back. You probably are thinking the same thing. But I know you, like me, still have that tiny glimmer within yourself that will never NEVER go out. Even though you make it seem that darkness has swallowed you, that you are lost and can't find the way, given up, I know you can still find a way back.
How do I know this? Even though you try your best not to show it, even though you turned your back to the me and obscure it from everyone and maybe even yourself, I can hear you. It escapes you only as a whisper to some, but I can hear it screaming out to me. I wasn't there before, and I may have even given up before, but I am here now. Even if you reject it, I will reach out my hand, I will light the way, I will always try.
Because you are that link in my chain that will never break, you are the link that holds everything together, you were there and I've never NEVER forgotten. Believe in yourself, believe in me and try. Cause I wouldn't know what I'd do if you were to disappear like everything else. Please...try...
But I am not a sensible person. Though I fail again and again, I will forever try till my last breath. Till me eyes run dry of tears, till my blood boils and bones crumble, I will try. I am no hero, I am no lover, I am no genius, I cannot promise you anything because I know I am not perfect. There is only one promise that I'll keep and its a promise I've kept since you've linked this chain between us. I've faded into the dark so many times but you were always there to light the way back. The years that passed were only tolerable because we were there for each other.
Lately, the challenges that were laid upon our paths has made things obscured. Indeed, that chain we made has long become rusted and worn. That light that lit the way had faded and for awhile, I thought it'll never come back. You probably are thinking the same thing. But I know you, like me, still have that tiny glimmer within yourself that will never NEVER go out. Even though you make it seem that darkness has swallowed you, that you are lost and can't find the way, given up, I know you can still find a way back.
How do I know this? Even though you try your best not to show it, even though you turned your back to the me and obscure it from everyone and maybe even yourself, I can hear you. It escapes you only as a whisper to some, but I can hear it screaming out to me. I wasn't there before, and I may have even given up before, but I am here now. Even if you reject it, I will reach out my hand, I will light the way, I will always try.
Because you are that link in my chain that will never break, you are the link that holds everything together, you were there and I've never NEVER forgotten. Believe in yourself, believe in me and try. Cause I wouldn't know what I'd do if you were to disappear like everything else. Please...try...
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Losing My identity...
I'm at uni right now, taking advantage of the free internet at the library. haha, ran out of bandwidth at home and in fear of excess internet usage charge, I have become an internet refugee and begun to plunder the natural resources of my beloved unsw. I also wanted to do my report which is due on Tuesday *says this to make self feel better*
Anyways, I apologize, I have to forfeit my promises of writing different posts about my winter holiday, MOE visit, dewa experience as well as the Malaysian Independence Thing I attended last night. Instead, I'm going to post photos of everything on facebook (cuz "everyone" is there and its easier to upload photos there) and put my thoughts of these events and the impact on my life all in this post. So, if you're the type who wants to gawk at photos and live witty comments, you can bugger off from here and go to my facebook (I'm not going to put a link here, cuz if you're my friend, you shud by now have added me on facebook). If you're actually interested in what I think and have to say, than by all means stay.
WINTER HOLIDAY
Well when winter holiday began I was at the verge of mental breakdown. Well, I'm always at the verge of mental breakdown but this was like the verge-est of vergeness. Just completed a stressfull exam period and the cold weather was not much help. And I was really really having riffs with some people. Yeah, I got a Ps3 to help ease the pain but that put me in a huge deficit in my bank account and I was filled with money woes as well. Then like an voice from the heavens, my mom called out to me; "dear boy, to ease your suffering, we have booked you a flight to return home, so pack your bags, you're going home!" Well, it wasn't exactly like that, it was a chat and my mom asked "Come home laaah"
As being poor meant not being able to do much in Sydney, yeah decided to go home. One stopover in Brisbane and 8 hours later, I was home. Leaving the freezing numbing cold and stepping out of the plane into the warmth of my dear home county was a very wonderful experience. An intensely wet sticky salty experience as months of held in sweat decided to burst out of my pores in one go. I got for a few days as my body was trying its best to adapt to the hot weather. But life was good.
It was good to be home, it felt good to bother my sister every second of the day again. It felt good to help my mom out at home and work. It felt good to be able to play with all my little cousins and especially sayangku daleng alai baby Amirah aka pumpkin. I miss her so much now, just seeing her in my webcam makes me want to burst into tears. Everymorning, when I send my mom to work, she's be in the TV room with her maid and I'd just yell out her name and she's be smiling and laughing her head of. Yeah, I have to take care of big kids at my house in sydney but I prefer cute little ones, instead of overgrown buttugly guys, hahah.
Surprisingly being home, I didnt hang out a lot with my friends. We did a few times I think, but not as much as I hoped. But, just being able to see their faces again and talk at the same table was a really good feeling. We've changed and are busy with our lives but finding that you still can make time (even though a little) to hang out with your old friends is a truly satisfying experience. Especially the bbq at berakas, I was surprised to see so many old faces turn up out of the blue even though we barely spoke for the past few years. I guess we never do forget the good times we had and will always try again to make it happen and last.
I always have these thoughts that I have been abandoned and forgotten. Guess thats one of my flaws of being so insecure of myself. Again, life can prove me wrong and show me that bonds do last no matter how strained they are. That's why I always know I have someone to come home to at the end of the day. My true friends who I appreciate the most and don't say this enough, thank you so much. I always miss you and keep you in my heart. So if I don't send you a message, or call you or don't chat with you as much as I do. Please, just have faith in our friendship that we are always thinking about each other. I admit I do feel abit rejected when some people don't even have the decency to say hi when their online, heck, my online messenger list is always full of people but I rarely chat to any of them lately. So I could have tried harder, I know that now. Just know that I never forget every single moment we spent with each other in the past and I cherish each of them and I am thankful for those times. Heck I love you guys even though I don't show it as much as I cud have.
Those 2/3 weeks was a good refreshing break. Jogging the warm beaches, hanging out with my cousins, empire, helping out at my moms and aunties. As hectic as life can be, your home will always be there. So I try to keep that fact in my brain, so I can understand why I'm here down under. To make a living... to make a better person out of myself... to be more independant... to make my family proud. My mindset was back to normal and I'm ready to start a new semester.
A NEW SEMESTER STARTS
Anyways, I apologize, I have to forfeit my promises of writing different posts about my winter holiday, MOE visit, dewa experience as well as the Malaysian Independence Thing I attended last night. Instead, I'm going to post photos of everything on facebook (cuz "everyone" is there and its easier to upload photos there) and put my thoughts of these events and the impact on my life all in this post. So, if you're the type who wants to gawk at photos and live witty comments, you can bugger off from here and go to my facebook (I'm not going to put a link here, cuz if you're my friend, you shud by now have added me on facebook). If you're actually interested in what I think and have to say, than by all means stay.
WINTER HOLIDAY
Well when winter holiday began I was at the verge of mental breakdown. Well, I'm always at the verge of mental breakdown but this was like the verge-est of vergeness. Just completed a stressfull exam period and the cold weather was not much help. And I was really really having riffs with some people. Yeah, I got a Ps3 to help ease the pain but that put me in a huge deficit in my bank account and I was filled with money woes as well. Then like an voice from the heavens, my mom called out to me; "dear boy, to ease your suffering, we have booked you a flight to return home, so pack your bags, you're going home!" Well, it wasn't exactly like that, it was a chat and my mom asked "Come home laaah"
As being poor meant not being able to do much in Sydney, yeah decided to go home. One stopover in Brisbane and 8 hours later, I was home. Leaving the freezing numbing cold and stepping out of the plane into the warmth of my dear home county was a very wonderful experience. An intensely wet sticky salty experience as months of held in sweat decided to burst out of my pores in one go. I got for a few days as my body was trying its best to adapt to the hot weather. But life was good.
It was good to be home, it felt good to bother my sister every second of the day again. It felt good to help my mom out at home and work. It felt good to be able to play with all my little cousins and especially sayangku daleng alai baby Amirah aka pumpkin. I miss her so much now, just seeing her in my webcam makes me want to burst into tears. Everymorning, when I send my mom to work, she's be in the TV room with her maid and I'd just yell out her name and she's be smiling and laughing her head of. Yeah, I have to take care of big kids at my house in sydney but I prefer cute little ones, instead of overgrown buttugly guys, hahah.
Surprisingly being home, I didnt hang out a lot with my friends. We did a few times I think, but not as much as I hoped. But, just being able to see their faces again and talk at the same table was a really good feeling. We've changed and are busy with our lives but finding that you still can make time (even though a little) to hang out with your old friends is a truly satisfying experience. Especially the bbq at berakas, I was surprised to see so many old faces turn up out of the blue even though we barely spoke for the past few years. I guess we never do forget the good times we had and will always try again to make it happen and last.
I always have these thoughts that I have been abandoned and forgotten. Guess thats one of my flaws of being so insecure of myself. Again, life can prove me wrong and show me that bonds do last no matter how strained they are. That's why I always know I have someone to come home to at the end of the day. My true friends who I appreciate the most and don't say this enough, thank you so much. I always miss you and keep you in my heart. So if I don't send you a message, or call you or don't chat with you as much as I do. Please, just have faith in our friendship that we are always thinking about each other. I admit I do feel abit rejected when some people don't even have the decency to say hi when their online, heck, my online messenger list is always full of people but I rarely chat to any of them lately. So I could have tried harder, I know that now. Just know that I never forget every single moment we spent with each other in the past and I cherish each of them and I am thankful for those times. Heck I love you guys even though I don't show it as much as I cud have.
Those 2/3 weeks was a good refreshing break. Jogging the warm beaches, hanging out with my cousins, empire, helping out at my moms and aunties. As hectic as life can be, your home will always be there. So I try to keep that fact in my brain, so I can understand why I'm here down under. To make a living... to make a better person out of myself... to be more independant... to make my family proud. My mindset was back to normal and I'm ready to start a new semester.
A NEW SEMESTER STARTS
Friday, August 22, 2008
Random Bursts
My ideologies tend to get the best of me and I end up suffering for it. Thinking sacrificing some things would make life better in the long run. Oh man, I could be so fucking wrong sometimes. Yeah, I wish I can spend my $$$ and light up cause it'll hell make me feel alot better. I don't even have $$$ to get stupid ink for my printer. Fuck it you know. Need to relax, can't wait till my allowance comes out. I really need to go out. Poor and bitter.
Wow...reading that again, I sound pretty pathetic. There are things I wanna say and don't really wanna say up there. And its filled with too much repetition, which I don't really think is worth posting. For some weird coincidence, I wandered to my old friendster blog (darkside440.blogs.friendster.com) and started reading all my old blog entries. I noticed some particular changes when comparing my old blog and new blog. Most notably was the obscene deterioration of my english language. Hahah, and my posts had more heart put into it back then. What happened?
But reading back, yeah, I think I'm starting to feel a little bit better than I did this afternoon. I still don't know what I'm trying to prove and I don't know what I'm exactly I'm trying to hide with all these posts either. These posts are my form of therapy and soul searching, and I'm going to keep it that way. I kind of got lost in all the hype of blogging and I've forgotten what I started these blogs for. Heads been stuck too much up there lately. I guess when every thing's gone, this blog will still be here to keep me company.
Missing you (04 May 2006)
Well, tymes are getting tuff. We are all growing up. Ready to venture on to the unknown...just lyke we dreamed off back when we younger. Well, here we are, going through that door and taking the big leap. It wasnt as expected, and i dunno, i'm doing it but somethings missing...and its holding me back...
I made those dreams with you...and i really thought you would be there by my side when we go through that door. Somehow we got seperated...the chain of promises and dreams shattered. Days go by, and i sit here in my room, staring out that window. Wondering if i should go on...wondering whats the point of it all. Whats the point of trying...if you're not there to enjoy it with me...whats the point of trying...if i can't share it with you...whats the point of trying...if you don't care.
The past comes back to haunt me, making me regret. I can't help but think about u every single day. Thinking about how it just used to be just us...how we use to care so much about each other...how we promised that we go on together. Well, the door to that future is here...and I'm still hesistating to open it. Because, i dun think i can't go through if youre not here holding my hand. Things are not the same...and I keep wondering what was lost.
Those days we used to eat and drink at the same table. The days we'd walk to class together. The days we would do our homework together. The days we'd hang out at the mall to watch a movie. The days we use to gawk at girls from the back of the classroom. The days you'd take me out without hesistation. The days you'd talk to me without looking away. The days you would call me. The days you would cry on my shoulder. The days you used to smile at me. The days we insulted our english teacher at the back of class. The days we'd skipped art class to drink milkshakes at the canteen. the days I use to scribble messages in your book. The days you scribbled replies in my books. The days you'd lend me your glasses when i forgot to bring mine. The days we walk to the mosque to pray after school. The days you'd lend me yur CDS. The days you and me hung out at the beach. The days we'd ran in the rain. The good old days....where have they gone.
i regret wishing things would change, cuz i thought things were better the way they were before. But i won't let go off that dream yet. I know that you will be there waiting for me on the other side. Those promises we made and the struggles we went throught wont be in vain. I won't let you down anymore my friends.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Pesta Kampong 2008
Hey you guys. Just wanted to tell you about this thing I went to yesterday.
PESTA KAMPONG 2008, Indonesian themed market/fair thingy at University of Sydney Campus. It was at the city, so I had to raid my poor piggy bank again for bus fare. Ultimately, it was worth it. I kinda regretted not going to the tamu or night market when I was back in Brunei last time, so I finally got some of my fill here.
Satay...oh sweet satay and fried chicken which I didnt have to fry myself. Quick cheap (well not bruneian cheap) oily fried food, always satisfies. Nisah jadi my model for today.
Satay Combo - AUD$10 : 5 satay sticks, 1 spring roll, 1 fried chicken wing.
Why the cap? Cause I having my bad hair day again...hehe
Nisah, Mizah, Wani and Nena. Bruneians in an Indon Market
Live performances were awesome, managed to catch Andra (Andra and the backbone) and Once (Dewa19) perform live. I wanted to catch more pics but unfortunately my camera was low on battery. Will upload from my friends camera when I get the chance.
Andra and the screaming indon fans.
The screaming brunei fan.
WAni and Hadee
Wani, Bing and Hadee
Food food everywhere!
Leena, Hadee and his lost love - Cendol Durian (the most delicious thing I've tasted)
At the UTS main hall. Mizah control...
Nisah, Me and this delicious fried thing filled with banana, chocolate and cheese.
Thats all for now, will upload more pics and vids soon. Gonna head of to eat nasi lemak in a bit and catch the Dewa, Andra concert at the Roundhouse in the evening. See ya!
PESTA KAMPONG 2008, Indonesian themed market/fair thingy at University of Sydney Campus. It was at the city, so I had to raid my poor piggy bank again for bus fare. Ultimately, it was worth it. I kinda regretted not going to the tamu or night market when I was back in Brunei last time, so I finally got some of my fill here.
Satay...oh sweet satay and fried chicken which I didnt have to fry myself. Quick cheap (well not bruneian cheap) oily fried food, always satisfies. Nisah jadi my model for today.
Satay Combo - AUD$10 : 5 satay sticks, 1 spring roll, 1 fried chicken wing.
Why the cap? Cause I having my bad hair day again...hehe
Nisah, Mizah, Wani and Nena. Bruneians in an Indon Market
Live performances were awesome, managed to catch Andra (Andra and the backbone) and Once (Dewa19) perform live. I wanted to catch more pics but unfortunately my camera was low on battery. Will upload from my friends camera when I get the chance.
Andra and the screaming indon fans.
The screaming brunei fan.
WAni and Hadee
Wani, Bing and Hadee
Food food everywhere!
Leena, Hadee and his lost love - Cendol Durian (the most delicious thing I've tasted)
At the UTS main hall. Mizah control...
Nisah, Me and this delicious fried thing filled with banana, chocolate and cheese.Thats all for now, will upload more pics and vids soon. Gonna head of to eat nasi lemak in a bit and catch the Dewa, Andra concert at the Roundhouse in the evening. See ya!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
A thoughtful one
3 posts in one go, bet u weren't expecting that. Yeah, Hadee's been pretty "lacking of life" lately. Well, more like "as of late" ? Grammer aside, I'm still alive, I'm still on this place we call earth, trying to live out this thing we call "life".
SO what's new? well...for one thing, I got this award nomination from Aryf:
I'm honored. A shock since I don't update much. hahah, well, it sez I have to nominate and link some peeps for this award, so here they are:
Din - Cuz he's sharin a blog with his sis, and thats pretty cool sharing. hahah
pu3- she blogs with her ikhlas thoughts and not for what people want. Make sense? heheh, she also has purty pictures and drawings.
Wani (Bing&i) - Cuz she takes awesome photos and is not stuck up about it.
KITA sedunia - Becoz i designed it, hahah, kiddin. Its a blog I share with my friends to keep in touch, and its pretty amazing that its alive and well.
Izah (Endoh Asuka) - DBSK fanatic..... all dbsk all the freakin time.
Amar - Of course he gets a nomination, hes the blogger freak, ha!
You can view their blogs from my link bar to the right. Malas kn buat the link on this post, heheh. Beri malas kdg2 blogger ani. Those photos below took me ages to upload. Maybe it was also due to the fact aku malas to resize it before I upload. hahah, awu aku pmalas.
My malasness has been cause by a great many things. Been lemah semangat (no, i can't see ghosts, stopped that after high school i think), I kinda lose the spirit to do anything these days. I just sick to the core of getting my hopes to high and getting end up disappointed too many times. I'm actually paranoid of working too hard or hoping too hard. hahah, its funny how I lost faith and what I thought was a good way to live life - believing and hoping for the best. I feel like shit right now and what the freakin point of doing anything. I can't do anything right, I can't talk to my friends, I can't live up to my family's expectation, I can't get good grades, I can't even stay healthy no matter what I do. Starting to get into some bad habits because of the fuckin strain, and I hate myself more for it.
Ugh...sorry for the negativity. Thats the result of months of bottling up stress. Anyways, pics below, will post more soon. Videos, please watch, especially the first one. 1:50 mark, freaking awesome. cIAAAAO
SO what's new? well...for one thing, I got this award nomination from Aryf:
I'm honored. A shock since I don't update much. hahah, well, it sez I have to nominate and link some peeps for this award, so here they are:Din - Cuz he's sharin a blog with his sis, and thats pretty cool sharing. hahah
pu3- she blogs with her ikhlas thoughts and not for what people want. Make sense? heheh, she also has purty pictures and drawings.
Wani (Bing&i) - Cuz she takes awesome photos and is not stuck up about it.
KITA sedunia - Becoz i designed it, hahah, kiddin. Its a blog I share with my friends to keep in touch, and its pretty amazing that its alive and well.
Izah (Endoh Asuka) - DBSK fanatic..... all dbsk all the freakin time.
Amar - Of course he gets a nomination, hes the blogger freak, ha!
You can view their blogs from my link bar to the right. Malas kn buat the link on this post, heheh. Beri malas kdg2 blogger ani. Those photos below took me ages to upload. Maybe it was also due to the fact aku malas to resize it before I upload. hahah, awu aku pmalas.
My malasness has been cause by a great many things. Been lemah semangat (no, i can't see ghosts, stopped that after high school i think), I kinda lose the spirit to do anything these days. I just sick to the core of getting my hopes to high and getting end up disappointed too many times. I'm actually paranoid of working too hard or hoping too hard. hahah, its funny how I lost faith and what I thought was a good way to live life - believing and hoping for the best. I feel like shit right now and what the freakin point of doing anything. I can't do anything right, I can't talk to my friends, I can't live up to my family's expectation, I can't get good grades, I can't even stay healthy no matter what I do. Starting to get into some bad habits because of the fuckin strain, and I hate myself more for it.
Ugh...sorry for the negativity. Thats the result of months of bottling up stress. Anyways, pics below, will post more soon. Videos, please watch, especially the first one. 1:50 mark, freaking awesome. cIAAAAO
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
To my friends workin in BLNG
Watch at part 1:50...awesome....
Thats some cool scary shit right there! Hahah
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