Listening to piece of me by britney spears on the radio. First time I've set up my radio since I came back to Sydney. Was getting pretty bored of hearing the same songs playing on my itunes. I'm loaded up on coffee and panadol right now and feeling pretty good. Seems that the panadol is the only thing thats keeping my stomach pains at bay. The last post was a 'quickie' pain-induced one, so sorry for that.
Well, its 2am, and I'm, THANK GOD, doing something about my UNI work. My heads cleared up now, guess my prayers yesterday afternoon got heard. I am slowly getting back to norm. Other than the stomach pains, the only thing distracting me right is my thoughts of...well.. 'someone'. A chat with a friend, though not intentionally, finally made it clear to me. I always get these feelings and foolish dreams of always trying to be with someone who clearly doesnt feel the same way. Funnily, this has happened a few times and the heart burns still feel the same. So... I'm moving on... again... I learnt my lesson for now. Instead of trying so hard to chase something so far fetched, I'm gonna concentrate on the present reality for now. Yeah, I'm a loner who expects to much. I love too much I guess, ceweh. XD
Hm...out of coffee. Time for a refill, I so effin glad i bought this coffee maker.
Glad another chapter closed,
after repeating itself once again,
feeling rundown and tired,
for making another useless plan
A deep breath I'll take
as I put the book down,
A new smile I'll fake,
as I move again on my own
A lesson learnt
A battle fought
Too much worrying on this plan
Tomorrow is always another day my friend
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Stress-induced madness
Who would have thought that by merely changing the number of weeks in a semester from 14 weeks to 12 weeks can have such a profound affect. I mean, when I heard about it last year, I just shrugged it off, whats the big deal? Well, I've hit a wall. Seriously, I feel like I just was running so fast and bashed my head into it. Now I cant do anything right. I'm still trying to catch my breath and no matter how hard I try, I'll still drift off and zone out.
Its been 6 weeks, half of the semester is gone. The stress has built to a max and is visible on everyone. A few weeks ago, I burst a vein on my eye. I thought it was the experimental contact lens I was wearing, it turned out it was stressed induced. I walked around with a bloody eye for a few days. A few of my friends have already broke down and started bawling. Another friend, which I actually found quite funny, had a twitch in her eye that appeared out of nowhere and didnt stop for days.
I have this pain in my stomach, I don't know if its constipation or the runs but hell, its been bothering me for the past 3-4 effin days. I cant concentrate, I cant pick up a book and read it for more than 5-10 minutes. I can't sit on a chair and write no matter how hard I try. I have a midessions tests in next week and load of assignments due which I am making absolutely little or no progress on. I'm not even panicking, I want to panic, because if I panic, I'll do my work. I think I've gone a little funny in the head. I gonna gulp down some panadol and stomach pain pills to see if that'll have any affect. Sigh... I dont want to give up seriously. I just don't know what to do anymore. Hopefully, I'll be back to normal. My apologies to all affected. I'll try my best not to get in the way.
Its been 6 weeks, half of the semester is gone. The stress has built to a max and is visible on everyone. A few weeks ago, I burst a vein on my eye. I thought it was the experimental contact lens I was wearing, it turned out it was stressed induced. I walked around with a bloody eye for a few days. A few of my friends have already broke down and started bawling. Another friend, which I actually found quite funny, had a twitch in her eye that appeared out of nowhere and didnt stop for days.
I have this pain in my stomach, I don't know if its constipation or the runs but hell, its been bothering me for the past 3-4 effin days. I cant concentrate, I cant pick up a book and read it for more than 5-10 minutes. I can't sit on a chair and write no matter how hard I try. I have a midessions tests in next week and load of assignments due which I am making absolutely little or no progress on. I'm not even panicking, I want to panic, because if I panic, I'll do my work. I think I've gone a little funny in the head. I gonna gulp down some panadol and stomach pain pills to see if that'll have any affect. Sigh... I dont want to give up seriously. I just don't know what to do anymore. Hopefully, I'll be back to normal. My apologies to all affected. I'll try my best not to get in the way.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Quickie
A quick post for consistency. heheh, yup, so effin busy ryte now, loads of assignments due and test to study for next week. The work never seems to end. Gnyeh, not complainin, just realised half the semester has already gone by, which means winter break is not so far away. And I'll alwez have the weekend to look forward to. hahah, here are some pictures on what I've been up to, will be back soon guys. Cheers
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Evolution
I thought today was gonna be one of those days. I woke up a tad late, missing my CEIC lecture (not much of a loss though). It was another cold day with a dash of wetness thus I was walking around with wet socks for awhile which didnt help my mood one bit. Made it to Reservoir Engineering lecture. I don't hate it, but its not one of those lectures I look forward to. Endured almost three hours of listening and jotting down notes and finally headed home. At the last minute, I remembered that 'someone' has been bitching about getting a mop, so I headed to Coles to get one along with some eggs because for some reason I wanted to eat scrambled eggs at that moment...go figure.
So I left coles carrying a bucket, mop, cleaning liquid and eggs and also with my wallet a little lighter. The sky was still grey, the weather was still cold, and I was still in those 'I dont give a and.....walked some more...till I finally reached my street. A bus pulls up as usual a few meters away from my place. And lo and behold, my landlady steps out with a bunch of shopping bags. I didnt realise it was her, as I was walking behind her. Only realised it was her when she stopped at our house. She turned, surprised to see me, and greeted me. I greeeted her back and after some idle chatter, she pointed out that a package arrived and she left it at my door. My mood brightened considerably cause I definately knew it was my ebay order.
The evolution of drawing.... MY HAND IS COMPLEEETE!
So I left coles carrying a bucket, mop, cleaning liquid and eggs and also with my wallet a little lighter. The sky was still grey, the weather was still cold, and I was still in those 'I dont give a and.....walked some more...till I finally reached my street. A bus pulls up as usual a few meters away from my place. And lo and behold, my landlady steps out with a bunch of shopping bags. I didnt realise it was her, as I was walking behind her. Only realised it was her when she stopped at our house. She turned, surprised to see me, and greeted me. I greeeted her back and after some idle chatter, she pointed out that a package arrived and she left it at my door. My mood brightened considerably cause I definately knew it was my ebay order.
The evolution of drawing.... MY HAND IS COMPLEEETE!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Grey Skies
Flipping through the song list on my ipod, droplets form on the screen as the rain starts to drizzle from above. I rubbed them off with my sleeve and slipped my hood over my head. I sat cross legged and alone on the steps leading to lecture hall and listened as the song I picked started to play. The slow beat of the song started to build and I felt my mind slowly drift off in its melody. Though it was the singer letting his heart out, it felt as it was me who was letting out all my feelings to world. I closed my eyes and mimed the words being said in my ears. I imagined you listening as I saying everything to you and wondered what your reaction would be. My body grew lighter, as I felt all the thoughts held inside slowly flow out with the music. I smiled and imagined in some other world, you were with me and it was only the both of us. I felt myself being lifted into the air where everything was safe and nothing could go wrong. I opened my eyes and stared at the top of buildings silhouetted by the grey sky.
Realizing my face was getting wet; I looked down and noticed the crowd of students outside the doors of the lecture hall. The music started to fade and I took it as my queue to back to reality. I took a deep breath and yanked off my headphones and stuffed it into my pocket. Picked up my bag and books and turned towards the lecture hall which had emptied out and just started to fill with the occupants of the next lecture. I walked in and there you were, sitting there without a slightest clue of how I feel. I felt my insides clench a little and walked quickly by hoping you wouldn’t see me. At the last minute you looked up and waved, asking me to sit by you. With a weak smile, I went and sat by your side and endured the voice screaming in my head. Am I stupid letting myself feel this way again? Feeling this way about you was something I never wanted. Looks like things always have a tendency of repeating itself.
Saw this on the news yesterday, such an amazing voice. Its paul potts and that little girl all over again:
Tagged by Shane
Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.
1. At what age do you wish to marry?
At the age I meet the right one…
2. What do you think you were in your past life?
Hopefully someone who has a better life than the one now.
3. What's your favorite thing to do?
Making plans and never get around to do them.
4. Do you think money can buy happiness?
What is happiness?
5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
To actually accomplish something for once
6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
I am money dependant
7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
My family
8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Pinch myself to see if I’m dreaming or not
9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Probably, after it’s too late
10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
He can sing, he a smart guy, he’s nice
11. What are the requirements that you wish from the other half?
Love me the way I love her
12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
A person who thinks the world revolves around themselves.
13. What is your ambition?
Having a big family
14. If you can teleport once, where would you go?
Um…to Hawaii? Hahah, warm beaches is the only thing I’ll think off during this cold weather
15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Living a full life
16. If you could undo doing one mistake in the past, what would it be?
Telling that person I loved them with all my heart
17. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
my uncertainess
18. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
Recently…fidz!
19. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
10 years older with a big beard, hahaha, random
20. what else are you doing when you are writing this tag?
Chatting with friends
I tag:
Pu3, Judin, Mahirah, Amar, Salwa, Fatin & Zul
Realizing my face was getting wet; I looked down and noticed the crowd of students outside the doors of the lecture hall. The music started to fade and I took it as my queue to back to reality. I took a deep breath and yanked off my headphones and stuffed it into my pocket. Picked up my bag and books and turned towards the lecture hall which had emptied out and just started to fill with the occupants of the next lecture. I walked in and there you were, sitting there without a slightest clue of how I feel. I felt my insides clench a little and walked quickly by hoping you wouldn’t see me. At the last minute you looked up and waved, asking me to sit by you. With a weak smile, I went and sat by your side and endured the voice screaming in my head. Am I stupid letting myself feel this way again? Feeling this way about you was something I never wanted. Looks like things always have a tendency of repeating itself.
Saw this on the news yesterday, such an amazing voice. Its paul potts and that little girl all over again:
Tagged by Shane
Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.
1. At what age do you wish to marry?
At the age I meet the right one…
2. What do you think you were in your past life?
Hopefully someone who has a better life than the one now.
3. What's your favorite thing to do?
Making plans and never get around to do them.
4. Do you think money can buy happiness?
What is happiness?
5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
To actually accomplish something for once
6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
I am money dependant
7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
My family
8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Pinch myself to see if I’m dreaming or not
9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Probably, after it’s too late
10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
He can sing, he a smart guy, he’s nice
11. What are the requirements that you wish from the other half?
Love me the way I love her
12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
A person who thinks the world revolves around themselves.
13. What is your ambition?
Having a big family
14. If you can teleport once, where would you go?
Um…to Hawaii? Hahah, warm beaches is the only thing I’ll think off during this cold weather
15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Living a full life
16. If you could undo doing one mistake in the past, what would it be?
Telling that person I loved them with all my heart
17. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
my uncertainess
18. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
Recently…fidz!
19. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
10 years older with a big beard, hahaha, random
20. what else are you doing when you are writing this tag?
Chatting with friends
I tag:
Pu3, Judin, Mahirah, Amar, Salwa, Fatin & Zul
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
The work piles up
Its been a looong day. Wanted to go to the gym after uni but when I finally got to the counter, couldn't find my gym card. So headed home instead. Heh, figured couldnt do much gyming with such worn out sneakers.
Well as illustrated by my dear friend Wani above. The days are certainly getting more tiring and its so hard to keep your eyes open during lectures. The tv mentioned that the weather was gonna continue to be cold and wet for a few more days, probably continue till the next week. Top that up with a buttload of assignments and quiz/tests to prepare for, well, let's put it this way; I have a coffee maker on my study desk. Caffine addict I have become, hee.
Well, looking back, I've had my fair share of fun already, its time to concentrate on work. Before I know it, it'll be July and winter break! hahha, not going home to Brunei though, no $$$. Well, before I get back to doing my work, I leave you guys with this photos of what I've been up to in good ol Sydney!
Seriously need to get new sneakers. Actually tried stapling the loose part with the shoe together but as you can obviously see, it didnt work. hahah, I guess walking for around 20 mins to uni and 20 mins back everyday can really take a toll on your footwear.
Well as illustrated by my dear friend Wani above. The days are certainly getting more tiring and its so hard to keep your eyes open during lectures. The tv mentioned that the weather was gonna continue to be cold and wet for a few more days, probably continue till the next week. Top that up with a buttload of assignments and quiz/tests to prepare for, well, let's put it this way; I have a coffee maker on my study desk. Caffine addict I have become, hee.Well, looking back, I've had my fair share of fun already, its time to concentrate on work. Before I know it, it'll be July and winter break! hahha, not going home to Brunei though, no $$$. Well, before I get back to doing my work, I leave you guys with this photos of what I've been up to in good ol Sydney!
Monday, April 14, 2008
Its a cold day in Sydneyland
WAh..the weather is so freakin cold now.... its....HOLY HELL, 15 DEGREESS!!! hahah, playing this song - 'so cold in Ireland' by the cranberries, to set the mood. My activity levels drops tenfolds today due to this coldness. Wasn't expecting it to be so cold so soon. Due to the presentations today, and the fact that I havent collected my laundry from the laudromat, I resorted to wearing smart thin smart collared shirt. It was warm in the morning, but NOT FOR LONG! THe temp dropped and it started drizzling, BRRRRRRRR. In weather such as this, I am left hankering for something warm and sweet, just like the warm chocolatey delights of Max Brenner I had a few days ago.
Hahah, random, dont know what else to put up. Those pics were stolen from Salwas facebook btw. hehhe, my camera is dead for now, and I dunt think i have the $$$ to get a new one yet. Ah well, heres my update for now. heheh see ya guys!
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