It's been awhile since I've updated. My birthday has come and gone, I'm a year older but heck I don't think I'm wiser. Got results of one of my tests again and they seen to have been going in the same trend lately. It's like whatever the fuck I do, I can't seem to get things right. What's even shitier is the fact that I know I'm doing it wrong and whenever I try to change myself for the better it always for the worse. I sick of trying and failing, I'm sick of putting so much effort and getting nothing but this cruel feeling in my chest. Sigh..I miss home... but I don't think I can even face my family. I haven't failed yet, but I'm not doing the best I could and thats just not me.
I don't know who I am lately you know. I sorta drifted off after SMB. Felt like I was tumbling downhill since then, still barely grasping on. I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror. I barely recognise that fuck up staring back. I can't be who I want to be, I can't be what they want me to be. I can't be who god wants me to be. I feel like nothing right now, just a waste of air. I wish I had my good friends by my side again. I can't talk to anyone here... I used to but... sigh..
I'm sorry for not being a good friend... Sorry for not being a good son... Sorry for not being a good muslim. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, maaf zahir dan batin.
No comments:
Post a Comment