Head-Clearing

I'm in my almost totally pitch dark room right now on my bed starring at the glaring light which is this laptop screen. I guess I've been hiding from my thoughts these past weeks. Avoiding blogs and sometimes internet as a whole. Sorta turned into a couch potato ever since I ended my attachment in Seria. Today has gotta be one of my most wasted days, watching movies on DVD which I've already seen, by myself, how fucking sad is that?

Guess I've been a bit flaky lately. Owh, I tried being productive. I joined national day for god sakes. Dropped sick after two days of it and was forced into bed rest for a week. Doc sed I'm 'not used' to national day. The whole reason I joined was so that I could get a taste of what it was like to perform under the hot sun and rub against hot sweaty people you barely know. It was fun.

So I got a developed a fever and hacking coughs, head splitting migraines and my legs gone numb and I was so weak I barely could do shit. The doc said I am intolerant to heat. hahah, like, daymn, must have some kind of princess blood in me. Nothing but a delicate piece of useless air breathing meat. Had to stop, felt sorry for my dad who pulled a lotta strings so I could join. So I moped around at home, watching tv. I had these constant headaches and which rendered me incapable of thinking straight for awhile. I was a freakin zombie.

I planned to do a lotta things after finishing attachment. Blog, finish up my BASS admin duties, continue doing my comics and artworks, spend some time with friends, jog. Being stuck at home sick with no car, a sister who doesnt want to do anything, and crappy reruns of boring tv shows can drive a person out of his mind. Yeah I turned down going out with some people, yeah I avoided going online cause I was too fucking lazy to blog, yeah its all my fault, I'm driving myself insane.

Going back to Sydney soon, and I really need to get my head on the right way. GAWD, I NEED MY CAR. I need to watch a movie in the cinema, I need retail theraphy, I need.....I need a shrink.

What's new

Whats new, other than the fact that I've started posting again? Made a new blogger layout, made things quite simpler, too much eye candy before, some people couldnt take it. hahah, and got a new shoutbox as well. What else....owh, I've gained 5 kg, I'm 75-76 kg now, was 71 in December. Sitting on your ass in the office really doesnt give you much of a work out. Also considering the fact that, theres not much places to go and the easy car access back home, the weight gain was inevitable. Went for fitness zone but my account expired and it's too expensive for me to renew it. So I opted for alternatives; jogging, badminton and swimming.

Still gained weight in the end though, ah well, just have to keep trying my best. Speaking of trying my best, my dad started giving me one of his rare occasion do your best speeches. I usually scoff this off because he usually does for no apparent reason and usually says stuff I've already done and know, sort of a broken record. But, I took it in this time, every word. Didn't say much during that long car ride, accept for the occasional yes, uhuh and head nod. It's not that he sed anything different, it was the same, do your best, learn form your mistakes, remember what your doing evrything for speech. It's the first time he gave the speech at the right time.

As mentioned, my mind's been all over the place this past few months. I havent been able to do things properly, been losing focus, even messing up in my exams. But yeah, I needed to hear that speech today. I'm grateful for my dad's out of the blues pep talks and learning sessions. Would have appreciated the speeches when I was younger but better late then ever. I guess he's just been thinking alot lately...just like me.

The world is a weird unpredictable place, very easy to lose track of things. You just need someone to give you a little reminding once in awhile....

Lifes choices

Its' been almost two months since my last update. Only a month into a new year and still I have so many things strewn around and out of check. Yeah, my minds been all over the place lately. Around this same time last year I was so sure that I've got it figured out. I remember I went on about what I wanted to do and accepting what I have. 2007 marched on and took its fucking toll on me. Yeah, I've been fucked up for quite awhile.

But things has settled down again now. Thank god... attachment is almost over. And I really think I got a clue of what I'm supposed to do. Sorry for the 'general' ness of this post. I think this is mostly for myself than for you guys. Senseless babble in the middle of the night..I'm think I'm going crazy.