Today is the first day of my 10 day mid-sem break. Up till yesterday, my life has basically been a blur of lectures, non-stop assignments and tests. Fasting month has also taken its toll on me making it much harder to concentrate in uni and making me exhausted by the end of the day, I don't get to recap on the days uni work or get ahead in my assignments and night studies. I really wanted get back to my prayers, and neglecting them during Ramadhan makes me feel even more worse about myself. To top it off, my three month allowance is already a week overdue, and I am in debt to alot of people, most espcially my mom. It kills me inside that I have to borrow money from my parents when I know they really need it back home. So up to this point, I have been exhausted, unfufilled and depressed.
Its been harder this time as I have pushed myself away from those I'd usually go to when I need support. I don't know if its pride or stupidity, but I can't make that first move anymore. Those days where I would eagerly jump to the beat and pursue what I wanted is all but a distant memory. I just hurts too much sometimes when I try too hard. There's that feeling at the back of my head that makes me so scared and so afraid that things will fall all around me again. I self-analyse myself and my faults to a point where I would just break down. I need this mid-sem break not just to catch up with my missed work, I also need to catch up with myself. Running around in too many directions, I need to find the right one and stick to it.
I want to also apologize for everything I've done wrong up to this point. I'm sorry, I wish I was a better person, I wish I could make everything right again if they ever were right in the first place. Love you guys.
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