It's late at night... I've been neglecting my studies as usual. Some habits die hard I guess no matter how hard I try to change myself. I just watched the season finale of Ugly Betty, and man... I actually turned the tube on to cheer myself up with some laughs but it ended up with me feeling more down. Season finale was a tear jerker... no I didn't cry, but that last episode hit so many emotional strings, close to the heart, I just felt so... blah...
It was all about changes, making tough decisions, the people you love and the life you choose for yourself. First of all habits die hard, and I get into this rut where I spiral into this place where I know I shouldnt be. Yeah, you heard this all before and I'm repeating myself. I still never did find my even footing. The state I'm in now, all the footholds have eroded off and I keep slipping of the edge. Methaphors... poetic ain't it?
I'm not really sure what I wanted to say here. I'm a jackass... I'm fucked up loser who doesn't deserve shit. I"m surrounded by all these people but I just feel so worthless around them all, I still feel so alone in the end. I don't know if I'm angry at you or myself. I keep hoping, I end up with nothing and the cycle repeats it self. I changed myself to be better with no success and still end up pushing everyone away.
Ugh...my brain hurts...
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