Woke up to the faint shuffling of the leaves by the winds blowing over from the beach. These were the sounds I have grown accustomed to over the past months I've been staying here in the Coogee House. I'd stumble out of my bed and make my way to the bathroom as usual. Bladder empty, and face washed, I'd come back to my room and walk over to laptop sitting idly on my messy study desk.
I'd go through my daily scroll down, I'd read the news from back home and then compulsively go read through your blogs. I don't know why I am overwhelmed by these mixed feelings as I read these writings on my screen. I don't know if I'm jealous of the life you are living now or whether I'm sad that I'm not a part of it anymore. But those mixed feelings will pass as I look up to the wall behind my computer screen. There hangs the many pictures of me and you and all those times, the wonderful good memories frozen in that moment. I'd give my crooked smile, and close the blog windows. A tiny flickering moment of warmth will fill me, which will soon be replaced with a cold emptiness of longing and reminiscence.
So much I'd wish to say, so much I'd wish to do. But, I'm here, and you're there and the answer was simple as that. You have other people you'd rather share your life with and I should be fine with that. Trying is all we did...well, I say 'we' cause it'll make me feel better and think that all that has been done was not in vain. I won't bother with chasing what has passed and I've grown weary of fixing things that only I've been trying to fix. I'm tired of you sucking me in and pushing me out as you please. I don't know who exactly I'm saying this though... and don't you dare turn this back to me. Selamat Tahun Baru Hijrah, assalamualaikum.
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