I've been avoiding my thoughts lately and delaying my posts. Everytime I want to type something up, I just delete it right after. It's not that I want to avoid what people would think of me but it's actually to avoid looking at myself. This blog, this whole daily posts, is my means of self-reflection and recently I'm pretty much disgusted to look at myself.
I clearly have no clue what I am or what I've been doing. I don't know what I want and I don't know what I aspire to. Every action I have taken so far has been a contradiction to my belief and my ideals and in short, i think I pretty much screwed myself over. I've been moping about it, wallowing in my own self loathing self pity pool of crap. There was this straight line I've always followed but now its turned all jagged and split in different directions with no end in sight. I am so fucking scared of dissappointing everyone, that I ended up dissappointing myself. Shit... there's a freakin limit to how much of this i can tolerate. Given up.... yeah probably. Like, what's the point of anything anymore if i'm just gonna get screwed over.
So has the dream ended...? From how things has been going lately, I guess so.
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