Quiet Nights

Reclusiveness has taken ahold of me lately. Can't even bother to go on msn sometimes, and barely talk to my coursemates as much as before. Something in me is just sick and tired... I feel like I can't be myself in front of these people. I can't believe I'm at a point where I'm embaressed and ashamed to be who I am and not knowing why exactly. I'm turning into one of those people who is so self-concious around people. Where the hell did this vulnerability come from?

I don't know, dissappointment in myself and in people I guess. Nothing is ever good enough. Funny thing is that, when I reach home and sit around with my housemates, that nagging feeling just fades away. I feel safe here in the Coogee house. No one judging you, looking down on you, throdding on you and using you and throwing you away like used toilet paper. That's why this is my home I guess, this is why I still live here despite the high rent and tiring distance from uni. We all need a little love sometimes.

Mindless babble to sooth my overflowing mind, please bare with me. Nights here are peaceful, and quiet. Sometimes too quiet for my tastes. Back in Brunei, I'm used to the TV loudly playing from the living room and my cousins running around. Occasionally, my housemates make a ruckus, and that usually puts me at peace. I've learned to get through those quiet moments though, learned it quite recently too. What happens is, when it gets too quiet, I start to think too much and it'll take me ages to sleep. Restlessness seems to be cured by calm controlled deep breathing. Learned it through yoga of all things. Started doing yoga at Fitness First (putting that expensive gym membership to use) and its more about breathing than bending yourself in unimaginable positions. I incorporated that during one of my restless nights and it worked well.
It was a weird thing to do but...hey...it worked..... thank you yoga.

Anyways, to sum it up, I hate myself, I have trouble sleeping, I'm doing yoga. hahah, pretty weird post. Sorry ;)