Well, I finally got the confirmation from Shell. I'm staying over for summer. Why? Let's just say I'm not one of the smartest of the bunch and leave it at that. I didn't really feel much at first when I requested to repeat in summer. But now when it's official, wow, I just feel so....ugh...
Maybe it's the season, ramadhan and all. Not being able to go to tamu, smbhyg terawih, sungkai or sahur with family. And raya coming soon...the feelings all just begin to kick in. And topping that off with not being able to go home for another year... hahah, I make fun of people who try to go back home at every oppurtunity but here I am feeling all shitty. Yeah I'm sad, I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss Brunei. The fact that I'm going to be alone in this place while everybody is at home doing attachment really burns. Well, I deserve this I guess. Take responsibility for my actions and stupidness.
I told my parents about the plan of repeating but I don't know if they still remember or not. They still talk on me on the phone as if I'm coming back soon. I still don't have the heart to say I got the official word... I won't for now anyway. I don't think I can take a long dissappointed/overlyhopeful lecture from my dad. I'm just feeling too lousy about myself recently.
Fasting helps me get my mind off it though, just me and god in the morning. But after a long day, I wreck my brains out. Decent sleep is but a distant memory cause I spend hours in bed just dreading tomorrow and regretting the past. But when I wake up and begin a day of fasting, my mind clears up. Ramadhan came at a good time for me... it always does.
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