Talking bird

The wants and needs of a useless person is just a  waste of time don't you think?

Memories are hazy

 It's 445am, just finished taking my sahur. I have a test for my well drilling and equipment course in 5 hours so I'm not going back to sleep. Its been a busy week and so is the next. Thank god the holidays start after that, can't wait for a break. I'm actually planning to go on a road trip with my friends to Canberra for Raya. Not sure if I have the money or even if the driver's license applies here, don't have the time to think it through yet. But here's hoping its an all go. Seriously need a change of enviroment and pace in my life right now.

Yeah, I've been stuck in my head lately and lost in my thoughts and the world of assignments, reports and tests.  My social life has been a little dead lately, thank god I have my housemates who makes life less sunyi. I've been so down lately, heartaches and worries of future outcomes. I've found a new cure for it though, listening to Phil Collin songs... Haha, I just put his album on in my IPOD and his music justs...well makes life enduring. Yeah some of his songs are sad, but some are uplifting at the same time. The sad songs reflect what I find true sometimes, reflecting is part of the healing process. Here's one song I've been listening to in repeat:

PHIL COLLINS -"I'VE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING"

I've forgotten everything about you
'til someone says your name
I've forgotten all the reasons I loved you
'til someone tells me that you rang

The memories are hazy now
I don't recall at all
there's nothing, there's nothing there
just me
and I don't understand why

I can't recollect my feelings
'til someone mentions that they saw you
I really don't remember all the things you said
'til someone shows me where you live

Why is everything so hazy now
I don't recall at all
there's nothing, there's nothing there
just me
and I don't understand why

I can't recall your smile
the touch of your hand holding mine
and I can't remember why
holding you seemed so right

The memories they're hazy now
I don't recall at all
there's nothing, there's nothing there
just me
and I don't understand why

I've forgotten everything about you
'til someone says your name
I've forgotten all the reasons I loved you
'til someone tells me that you rang

Beautiful song, it has a jazzy loungy type feel to it. When the trumpet/saxophone plays, it just warms my soul. And phil's echoing voice...wow. He has such a power... meh, I envy people who make good music. heheh, well, I think I better get back to studying. Happy fasting you guys...

dead inside

I miss you...

Running around

It's been a week since I hit this weird I don't want to do anything mode. Everytime i try to pick up a book and study, my mind just shuts down. This laptop is also another drug. I can't stop looking at it even though I have nothing to do. I get so stressed out with myself I have resorted to quick fixes. No, i am not happy with the way I'm handling things right now most especially since its Ramadhan. I think I'm actually doing more stupid stuff than ever. I seriously don't know whats happening and it scares the hell out of me.

What little words...

Owh...what has happened to you?

Why do you take this so lightly?
Haven't you learned anything?
Haven't you understood it yet?
Why do you do this to yourself?

You truly deserve what you get...

I miss...

I miss lighting up... really really feel like a puff right now... :p
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*update* looks like I don't miss it anymore... mwahahaha

Its kicked in

Well, I finally got the confirmation from Shell. I'm staying over for summer. Why? Let's just say I'm not one of the smartest of the bunch and leave it at that. I didn't really feel much at first when I requested to repeat in summer. But now when it's official, wow, I just feel so....ugh...

Maybe it's the season, ramadhan and all. Not being able to go to tamu, smbhyg terawih, sungkai or sahur with family. And raya coming soon...the feelings all just begin to kick in. And topping that off with not being able to go home for another year... hahah, I make fun of people who try to go back home at every oppurtunity but here I am feeling all shitty. Yeah I'm sad, I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss Brunei. The fact that I'm going to be alone in this place while everybody is at home doing attachment really burns. Well, I deserve this I guess. Take responsibility for my actions and stupidness.

I told my parents about the plan of repeating but I don't know if they still remember or not. They still talk on me on the phone as if I'm coming back soon. I still don't have the heart to say I got the official word... I won't for now anyway. I don't think I can take a long dissappointed/overlyhopeful lecture from my dad. I'm just feeling too lousy about myself recently.

Fasting helps me get my mind off it though, just me and god in the morning. But after a long day, I wreck my brains out. Decent sleep is but a distant memory cause I spend hours in bed just dreading tomorrow and regretting the past. But when I wake up and begin a day of fasting, my mind clears up. Ramadhan came at a good time for me... it always does.