life's a gamble

I took a big step a few weeks ago, I took a deep breath and I took that leap of faith. I knew what the many outcomes would be and knowing those outcomes was one of the reasons it took so long. Well, I've laid the cards out and showed you my hand. Chances were grim and waiting and wandering what you were going to throw out at me was almost unbearable. Now, you shown me your hand, and what I feared came true.

I lost that gamble and again I hang my head in painful defeat. There were no winners, but I feel like I've lost as usual. But I'll recover this time because for the first time it was me who dealt those cards and for the first time it was me who decided to play this game. Though I've grown used to this losing streak, I still hope one day that luck and faith will turn things around. For now, I won't reshuffle the deck, I don't think I'm ready for another gamble yet. The cards remain on the table for now.

I'm just glad you know now... :)

End of winter post 1

I'm reaching the end of my winter holiday. Finally back from my last minute break in Brunei and alone in my house watching Late Night with David Letterman on ten. Juniors are still in Brunei and Asqa is off skiing with Nisah and Izah. First night alone here (yesterday was suppose to be my first night alone, but after watching the orphanage with Naz, Long, Yamin and Sylvester, Yamin decided not to go home), and I'm kinda enjoying living alone. Not used to the quietness ( I'm always used to living with a lotta people ) so my tv provides provides the necessary bg noise and music. Kinda lonely but hey, people or no people around, I am always lonely, hahah.

So how was the holiday? Came back fatter and slightly tanner with a hint of sunburn, so it went pretty well. Had to go through Brisbane, which was a chore, and was nerve wrecking as my Brunei ticket from brisbane was a standby ticket and had slim chances because of full bookings. Thats what I get for a last minute booking, heck, I only realised I was going home one day before the actually flight! Hahah, headed for sydney airport at 5am (freezing), flew off at 7am, arrived in brisbane around 9 (brisbane is puuurty) , took the train to the international airport 930, and finally took off for brunei at 1130. After an hour of waiting and only 15 minutes till take off, only then was I given the boarding ticket. I was sulking around brisbane international airport (clearly not as big as sydney) for an hour before that.

Arrived in Brunei....and after weeks, months of bitter cold, stepping out of the plane the heat was unbearable. Hahah, BRUNEI IS HOOOOT, got a daily flu day becoz my body just wasnt used to the heat. But it was worth it to see all my family and friends again. Here's one of the faces I got to see everyday there:

My baby pumpkin - Amirah. hahah, she's so freakin cute. Wish I had a better picture. Will upload more later, blogger is being a bitch right now.