Semungkinnya...

Its a Monday. A start of a new week, new resolutions, and new ways to break them. So lets go through some of the things I tell myself I'd do:

- Eat healthier
- Exercise everyday
- Be more confident
- Finish something you start

And here's what's happened so far:
- Protein/sweet bar for breakfast, looking good but oh,  had  fried rice with roasted chicken for lunch. Really trying my best to cut rice out of my diet but hey.. .its my staple food.  1 strike so its toast and oatmeal tonight.

- frisbee Frisbee Frisbee! OK. .got SOME exercise but my stamina's shit.

- and here's my downfall, missed lots of throws, tripped and miss alotta catches. Then im playing with all these young fit guys. Then I start thinking about how Im not all of the above and I just go to this dark dark place. Sometimes i just wish i could switch off but here I am...blogging...ugh

- So this applies to the points above. Keep setting goals and keep at it. My heads out of the pit after typing a few lines in, so maybe blogging is a good outlet. I didnt do that bad but i didnt do great either today. Tomorrows another day.

so what was the point of this? Just me feeling sorry for myself and then feeling better. Cycle of self loathing. yay!

Breath of Life

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I was looking for a breath of life
For a little touch of heavenly light
But all the choirs in my head say, no oh oh

To get a dream of life again
A little vision of the sight at the end
But all the choirs in my head say, no oh oh

But I would need one more touch
Another taste of heavenly rush
And I believe, I believe it so oh oh oh

And I would need one more touch
Another taste of heavenly rush
And I believe, I believe it so oh oh oh

Who's side am I on? Who's side am I?
Who's side am I on? Who's side am I?
Who's side am I on? Who's side am I?

And the feel of it rushes through me
From my heart down to my legs
But the room is so quiet, oh oh oh

And although I wasn't losing my mind
It was a call that was so sublime
But the room is so quiet, oh oh oh

I was looking for a breath of life
A little touch of heavenly light
But all the choirs in my head say, no oh oh

To get a dream of life again
A little vision of the sight at the end
But all the choirs in my head say, no oh oh

[Instrumental]

It's a harder way and it's come to claim her
And I always say, We should be together
I can see the look, because this song has began
And if you are gone, I will not be long (Be long, be long, be long)

And I started to hear it again but this time it wasn't the end
And the room is so quiet, oh oh oh

And my heart is a hollow plain
For the devil to dance again
And the room is too quiet

I was looking for the breath of a life
A little touch of a heavenly life
But all the choirs in my head say no, oh oh

works

I am a working man....zzzz

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Keep on Track

Hm...definitely off track right there... hahaha, holidays are NEVER good for your diet. :D

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!

The end of student life

It's 2 in the morning, just finished making a post to the KITA blog. Tron Legacy soundtrack blasting off my speakers. Finally announced to my oldest mates about my degree classification and me returning home. Other than my mom, and a few close friends here, they're the first ones I've told publicly. This whole day has been quite a blur to me, I never really thought about it, or maybe I was just finding ways to avoid thinking about it, but I'm finally a certified engineer and it's scaring the living daylights out of me.

Not only was it four years in the making, but an entire lifetime up to now... my future is now decided, what I'm going to be doing for the next five years (or longer). No more books, no more study, no more freedom... did I work hard for it? was it all worth the trouble? Second Class honors Degree Classification... Not exactly something to be proud of but not exactly one to be disappointed of either. Yeah, I'm still afraid of what everyones reaction to it will be, mostly the "why not first class" remarks or looks. I give the impression that I don't care what people think (well at least I try to) but it is in fact my greatest weakness. Telling my mom that I got the official classification on the phone was quite hard, I kept trying not to break. I told her before it was official about not being able to get first class, she was okay with it, she was happy I passed with honors and got my degree. I love her for that, but I still felt bad nonetheless. I begged her not to tell my dad who's I'm the most scared and to disappoint. The basic conversation was repeated in the new call, and it was still hard. I know I'm not the same level as my peers, but it till burns however better I try to make myself feel.

I just have to deal with it I guess. Keep telling myself that. Enjoying my last free time as a student/graduate to take my mind off things. Making random trips and activities around Sydney. The last weeks have been great, might talk about it more in detail. Here's a little preview:

Is it a trap?

Someone left their Sushi pack in the study area of the library. I am very tempted to steal it.

Wishery

I can't get enough of this video:



If you all don't know by now, I'm an avid Disney and animation geek. I discovered pogo's music quite awhile ago. In my opinion, he's one of the most creative guys out there right now. He samples sounds and music from the movie/cartoon and creates something completely original and different. I'm still amazed at how beautiful the music and videos are. If this perks your interest, then you should also check out my other favorite videos from pogo as well: lost! and gardyn. Just check em out on youtube.

You can visit his official website here: www.pogomix.net

The last hurdle

Three days til my last exam ever. Giving my all, wish me luck.

Drained

I miss ___

Raya Break

Everyone's a Critique

I need to improve my guitar skillz~

Last Days of Ramadhan

Still got less than a week left, I started back my nasty habit of smoking. To all those who haven't figured it out yet, yeah, I'm a smoker. I'm not proud of it, it's unhealthy, it stinks up my breath, and its a huge waste of money. I'm not a public smoker as well, I usually smoke alone, I don't find it cool. It's my quickfix stress reliever when I have too much things on my mind. I'm not one of those heavy smokers to say, I just have my smoking periods and then I will stop indefinitely until the urge suddenly appears.

Why am I picking now to openly admit it here? Well, this is the first steps of many to help encourage me to 'HONESTLY' blog my thoughts and feelings without worrying too much about what people will think. Looking back at my last few posts, its been too cryptic and censored and I just wanted to change that. =)

Looking for a fighting spirit

Dang.... can't believe how easily it is to fall back to old habits/traits... and each time they seem to get worse and becomes even harder to escape. I make up all these excuses to why I'm doing them... hopelessly and disgustingly I do give up. Keep falling down so much, it gets harder and harder to get back up. People are unrealiable... fuck it....

What to do without internet?

Staring contest with taz pillow.

Whats home to u?

Whats home to u without a giant monkey with an oversized head?

Missing u

Always

Goldcoast splurge

I can totally pull off this spongebob look, XD

Final year.

And im stil waking up late..

Breathe

I felt the coolness of the water envelop my body, a sense of weightlessness taking over. I stared down through the blurry water. The faint image of my legs kicking above the pool floor appears before me. At that moment, the only thing I can hear is my slow deep breath, deafening everything else. Just me...floating in the pool, without a care in the world...bliss

Stability

Broken bonds... empty promises... fruitless endeavours... longing... lonliness... worthlessness... apakah hikmahnya?